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Saturday, April 21, 2012

Oops! More Quotes from GCB Pilot

I cleaned off my desk this morning and found more handwritten notes of quotes from the GCB Pilot that were not included in my original post of same.  So here they are:


Amanda (to her California attorney):  My mother is a meddling, overbearing, smothering nightmare.

Sharon:  My Bible’s in my other purse.

Carlene:  Of course she’s single, Sharon.  Most widows are.

Carlene:  Ladies, it is not appropriate to speak of such things on the phone.  I’ll see you in church.

Gigi:  Dallas and southern California have the same weather without the liberals.

Will:  Grandma, I mean Gigi, do you have internet?
Gigi:  Why would I?  I don’t watch porn.

Gigi:  Nobody can turn grief into a six-percent commission better than Heather [RE agent].

Amanda:  I’ve been sober for eighteen months, Mother.
Gigi:  Why?

Amanda (to son, Will):  You know?  Whatever awful things your father did, he was a really good dad and that’s the only memory worth keeping.  I love you.

Amanda:  I encourage them [my children] to find their own spirituality.
Gigi:  Cut the commie crap.  My grandchildren are going to church so they can go to heaven.  End of story.  Amen.

Carlene (to Amanda):  Well, darling, we all hope you’re here for good.  And not evil.

Amanda:  OMG, she’s [Carlene’s] praying for me.
Gigi:  See, people around here really care.

Heather:  She’s [Amanda] not even gonna be able to afford indoor plumbing [on her living allowance authorized by the Feds while they investigate her because of her husband’s Ponzi scheme and embezzlement.]
Carlene:  Jesus didn’t have it.

Heather [to Amanda, while searching for a house]:  Don’t worry.  They don’t allow takeoffs and landings between midnight and four a.m.

Ripp:  Where the heck are you, kitten?
Carlene:  I’m going to be a little late, precious.
Ripp:  You sound upset.  What’s wrong?  What can I do?  How can I help?
Carlene:  Well, I had to get some body work done and they messed up my colon. [walking over to mechanic and now speaking to him.]  Darling, it’s John 3:16.  The colon goes between the three and the sixteen.  [walking away and now whispering to her husband:]  I don’t think he’s Christian.

Heather (to Amanda):  But should you decide to have some (cosmetic) work done, always check the car the doctor drives.  If it’s a Ferrari, hire him.  If it’s a pickup, it means he lost a lawsuit.

Amanda (saying her prayer out loud at church):  Count your blessings . . . how blessed we all are.  Our homes, families, friends.  The blessing of forgiveness.  For we all need to forgive and be forgiven.  Personally, I have been blessed with a second chance.  To start over.  To do better . . . Thankful to have a job.  At Boobylicious.  I’m grateful to my employer, The Kitten Corp.  Which is a wholly owned subsidiary of Cockburn Unlimited.  God bless Ripp and Carlene Cockburn.

Amanda [to her mother, after her public prayer and embarrassment of Carlene]:  I’m thinking I kinda like this church stuff.

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