First, Love Yourself

As an author, I'm stirred to create by myriad things:  the elevated emotions from a movie, an unknown woman in an open jeep, a one-page color ad photo in a magazine.

Today, it is a quotation. 

"The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less."  Eldridge Cleaver, U.S. civil rights leader, writer (Soul on Ice, 1968).

My main purpose with my blog is to share whatever exhorts my fellow authors.  I've posted before about self-esteem being our fundamental foundation.  The Bible speaks about how we cannot possibly love our neighbor without loving ourselves first.  The Good Book goes on to state that the most important commandment is to love.  That love defeats evil.  That love covers every sin.  I could go on.  But that should be enough examples.

What I took from the above quote is the confirmation that we must love ourselves, value ourselves, treat ourselves well.  This is not about ego, not about selfishness, but about a wholesome acceptance of ourselves as the works of wonder that God made us.  

Yesterday I enjoyed watching again one of my favorite movies, The Replacements.  It is the story of a pro football team on strike for higher wages and a temporary team is called in for the final four games of the season to try to win a position in the Super Bowl.  It's a great flick and full of laugh-out-loud moments.  What struck me last night was how optimistic the coach was, finding the silver lining in any black spot.  Until . . .

The one time the coach was harsh was with his doubting quarterback.  Coach preached a severe sermon to him.  In the end, the quarterback finds his self-esteem.

So should we.  We are children of God.  The Bible says so.  We should remind ourselves of that birthright daily.  

One final thought.  The Bible speaks of anything that is not of faith is sin.

Have faith.

Have faith--in yourself.  It leads to success.

Writing and Dating Should Be All This and More

First, it is all about effective communication.

Second, it should be based on the internal guidance system within us, not our outward beauty, money, position in life, career, clothes, car, etc.

Third, we should be having fun--without intentionally hurting someone else--while engaged in both.

Communication.  We communicate with so much more than our words.  Our accent can tell where we were born perhaps.  Our clothes tell whether we are the staid, serious type or more flamboyant.  Whether we are blue collar or white collar--Duh!  Our body language may contradict our words.  Our actions may contradict our words.  Yet both opposing factors tell their own story.  We haven't even gotten into the underlying implications surrounding wordplay, tone, pitch, overall delivery.

Successful writing depends on the author effectively communicating with the reader.  Successful dating depending on the parties effectively communicating with each other.

Values.  As for the outward versus inward qualities that we all possess, the rules we live by (the internal compass) can cause so many divorces from marriages based on good looks, or money, or whatever gets ranked in magazines (the external container and circumstances).  Like the man who thinks it is okay to cheat on his wife, yet hides it from her.  If it were truly alright with wifey, why not be upfront?  Even if I were married to the Most Beautiful Person of 2011 or the Sexiest Person Alive, it would be over the nanosecond after I heard of any adultery.

These attitudes deliver a punch within our writing too.  Instead of finding that audience based on age or income, find them based on mutual mores.  Fidelity, honesty, hard-working, loving, sharing.  Or if you write about the world of drugs and human trafficking, obviously justice, the law, maybe even revenge are the shared values.  Work them to find the audience craving these stories.

Joy.  And finally, yes, we should all be having more fun (but not at the expense of others).  Our days should be filled with more joy.

So don't be so hard and critical of yourself and your writing.  I am a FLYLady subscriber (see www.FLYLady.net and sign up for her daily digest of inspirational messages and instructions) which is a free website devoted deep down to self-confidence, self-respect.  It also will help you get your house clean and organized in baby steps.  One thing she advocates is to work in fifteen-minute spurts:  kitchen, bathroom, office, for example.  The final fifteen minutes is for you.  What a great idea!

If you are of the puritan work ethic I was raised in, the thought But I can't play until the work is done still shouts at me in my brain.  It is getting weaker though, and I'm learning to ignore it more.  After all, with my workaholic tendencies and drive to accomplish and succeed, there is always more work to be done.  However, I take time to play more now.  My career change allowed that in grand part.  My new attitude encourages it in a smaller fashion.  Together:  I definitely have more joy and happiness in my days.

So should you.

At the Heart of It All

I'm an author of both fiction and nonfiction, but I started out as a lover of books, a voracious reader from a very young age.  I still consume hundreds a year.  And whether I'm reading about self-improvement or studying the Bible or cruising through Bios of my favorite celebrities or pleasure reading detective stories or romances where I fall in love with or want to be one of the main characters, I see a single continuous red thread that traverses through all my assorted readings.

There is an underlying psychological component to success.

Self-confidence.  An awareness of self. 

Not to be confused with ego or an out-of-control Id, but a grounding sense of self, of where we come from--whether you are looking at your family tree or the Word of God.  There is something about confidence that stirs us to greatness.  Plus it does not seem to matter which area of our life spurs on this self-satisfied waterfall of good emotions.

Life can be broken down into various categories and here is just one sample:  Family/Friends, Career, Hobbies, Health/Fitness, Money/Finances, Personal Improvement, Community/Contribution.  Since success begets more success, pick one slice of life in which you excel and focus on your accomplishments in that area.  It fuels more motivation to act in a way that you continue to excel  in that and/or other areas.

For example, think of falling in love.  What euphoric sensations THAT does to our body and our feelings and emotions.  It amps up the senses.  And it draws people and things to us as well as our attention on things unseen before.  Just think of how many more people seem to be interested in you when you already have someone special in your life.  Don't you attract more people in that highly charged state?  Think of applying that force to your career--the one you were meant to enjoy, where you are rewarded for your natural gifts.  Or any of the other facets of your life.

The Bible speaks of thinking only on good thoughts and I reiterate that promise here.  Of course, the Good Book does not always tell us why we should or should not do certain things.  I personally contend that such negative thoughts or memories lead us to be consumed by unpleasant emotions and that all such actions lead to disease, an unhealthy physical state.  Cell memory is alive and well and can influence the whole body.

This study could be and has been for me a lifelong research project.  So necessarily this short blog spot can only hint at all this subject entails.  Suffice it to say, knowledge is awareness.  Notice the negative self-talk and stop, halt the derogatory words, replace them with a positive reinforcing thought of a past success, even if you have to go back to age five or revert to a generic prayer of thanksgiving and gratefulness to our Creator.

I am not preaching or intending to preach here, yet I will give scripture to support my hypotheses as needed.  However, my current point is not a debate over spiritual values or religions, but to encourage us, me included, to promote a healthy love of self.  It helps us to be better individuals which contributes indirectly and directly to our neighbors and beyond.

Final take-away thought:  The Bible speaks of God as being "I AM."  Watch what you say about yourself when you start any sentence with "I am" for those two words, coupled with any that follow, contain the power to create.

What do you want to create in your life?

So here's my toast to Self:  May you ever grow in universal knowledge and wisdom and awareness with a specific focus on those gifts that inhabit each and every one of you and were given to you to be shared with the whole world.  May you enjoy your many successes!