We Are So Nosy . . . In a Good Way

I had a slow period in my freelancing due to the holidays and took advantage by reading two Nora Roberts books:  The Search (2010) and Chasing Fire (2011).  Both are her mainstream novels, combining suspense with romance.  Pure Nora Roberts.  Longer.  More subplots involved.

But what struck me from both was the "secret language" inherent therein.  The Search dealt with dog training for search and rescue efforts, while Chasing Fire involved fire jumping--those fearless firefighters that jump from planes to land right in the forest/snow/woodlands next to the flaming inferno.  So, obviously, each had its own terms relative to the distinctive profession.

It goes back to an earlier post where I mentioned the six basic needs for humans: 

1.  Certainty/Comfort zone
2.  Variety/Out-of-comfort zone
3.  Purpose
4.  Love/Belonging
5.  Self Growth
6.  Worldly Contribution

These specific language sets within careers, as illustrated in the two Nora Roberts's books noted above, help us fit in, feel like we belong.  Compare that to the secret club that we are not asked to join, and the secret handshake they will not share with us, and the secret rituals held in secret places at secret times, and we feel pretty left out, right?

Listen to any nurse talking to a doctor, and their verbal shorthand helps them communicate.  Plus shows us we don't understand the language they are privy to.  It isolates us.  We are the ones looking in, toward the inner circle.

Aside from careers, it is evidence of a sort within relationships, both the good and the bad.  We listen to the words shared, or the space where the words are withheld, added to the body language, and we determine our own reading of that couple. 

Which brings me to the title of this post.  We are all interested, inquisitive, individually.  Some more than others.  Still, I think it is human nature to investigate, to record, to research, to evaluate.  We want to improve our lives, those of our families, and we gauge how we are doing compared to others.  I'm not talking judgment here.  I'm talking about the search for happiness.  Knowing what we can have influences what we reach for, correct?

Seeing just two couples with a near-perfect working marriage would encourage a jaded person to believe, to hope, to dream.  I know it does for me.

Now, some people are downright nosy in an intrusive manner.  But the nosiness I am speaking of here is more of curiosity, that of a seeker of knowledge, wisdom, happiness.  Tied to a basic human need to belong.  To feel "at home" whether related to a person, place or thing (as in a job description). 

That is just one element of myriad others that makes for Nora Roberts's best-selling books.  She shares with us this behind-the-scenes look at these off-the-main-road careers.  Puts us in a new place (out of our own comfort zone in our actual lives), let's us do a test run (putting us in a virtual reality of this new variety of life), and gives us a nice ending where the bad guy is named and caught.  Plus love wins out (the security factor fed here with these last two items). 

The self-growth listed above is easily accommodated within a novel by the main character's arc--his or her growth to becoming a better person, having confronted their fears or bad memories, and dealt with them, head-on.

Their purpose is confirmed by their love of their job, even a harrowing one, further acknowledged by the very definite service they provide for others.  Here we've tapped two more basic human needs.  That belonging factor is echoed in the catch phrases inherent to these unique careers--like "shake and bake," which will forever take on a new, and still-body-shivering, connotation for me.

Yet I think it is great.  It piques our need to know, need to amass information, as we wander about in the hands and mind of this person immersed in this unusual job.  We try it on for size.  Then we can discard it later, or pursue it with lust in actuality.

I know after I read Chasing Fire, I was ashamed at how little physical enterprise is involved with my career of choice, being an author and copy editor, and vowed to add in structured exercise, now that my manual-labor day job is gone. 

After reading The Search, aside from being a little creeped out, I was reminded how much I love my animals.  And that love wins out again. 

So, as an author, I use that nosiness factor when writing a book for a reader.  I give them a glimpse into someone else's life--their career, love life, home life, hobbies, pets, etc.--to show them what we are all avid to know.  What is their life like behind closed doors?  Is that couple who is showy with affection in public still so at home?  What does that particular career entail?  More than the Occupational Handbook description--for we want details, much more details, the dish, the secrets you share with your best girlfriend.

Isn't that what an actor does as he readies for a part?  To be a fighter, s/he trains.  To be an athlete, s/he trains.  To be a pianist, s/he trains.  To be a bartender, s/he trains.  To be a model, s/he trains.  To be a sniper, s/he trains.  Just imagine the life of an actor.  Each gets to choose the project to work on.  And it is like trying on a job, to see if it fits.  Once the make-believe career is gone as the movie wraps up, then the actor decides whether to continue on with the skill(s) learned.

So can we, just by reading a book.

Do you find it mystical and magical and yet so sensible that our life's six basic needs are ALL mirrored in our favorite reading material?  What a wonderful career we authors share as we arrange assorted letters on a page among other such pages which has the possibility, the gift, of changing a person's life.

The Three Bullies: Worry, Self-Doubt and Fear

Worry

 

I used to worry a lot.  Thankfully, none of those imaginings morphed into my life.  Unlike poor Job in the Bible to which all his fretting was visited upon his house and lands and holdings.  What I don’t understand about that story, though, is why his verbally abusive wife was allowed to torment him with her words during this horrible time in his life.  But that is for someone wiser to explain.

 

It seems I have taken my active imagination and siphoned it off for more creative purposes:  writing.  As in this blog, my nonfiction works as well as my novels.

 

I remember from among my readings that we are taught to address the “worst case scenario” with solutions, in order to ease our worries.  You might not like the answers, but it should erase some of the angst.  Like if you were to (God forbid) lose your job, you may have to live with your parents, or in-laws.  Maybe not the best arrangement for both sides, but doable, for a short while.  You could get a minimum wage job and ride your bike to work if need be (hopefully work is close to home!).  Granted, both are not your dream life in action, but each could get you there.

 

Insulate your life by following the sage words found in The Good Book at Phil. 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things (RSV).”

 

Although I am basically an optimist, I have perfected my outlook.  As we grow and age and gain perspective, I believe we let go of a lot of youth-oriented worry.  Worry, to me, is based on inexperience.  Worry is usually about what we do not yet know.  Like, Can I do that job they just offered me?  We may have been all bravado in the interview process but, now that we have won the fought-for position, our confidence can take a sharp dip.  Once you confront the monster (gain some hands-on knowledge), it usually leaves.  Like finally facing off that bully from the playground or school--or worse yet, the office or home.

Self-Doubt

 

Self-doubt is more insidious as we do it to ourselves, or allow others' beliefs to veto our own.  Self-doubt may remain hidden from us, too, and we all know it is impossible to fight an unknown assailant until we have more information.  This blog addresses self-respect, self-worth, self-awareness.  We must first know who we are, then I think our purpose becomes clear—or we are more confident to follow that innate yearning--and, with it, success follows.

 

I ran across this great quote that highlights my point in the foregoing paragraph.  Here it is from John Mason:  “You were born an original.  Don’t die a copy.”  Don’t follow the mainstream when making decisions about your life.  Instead, construct your life around your dreams.  That includes where you live, what you do to earn a living, who you marry, how you spend your time and your money.  You were meant to be different, unique, to offer the world what no one else can perform, produce or procreate. 

Fear

 

Fear is the worst in my opinion.  If we were to grade, somewhere between one and ten, the level of emotions attached to worry, self-doubt and fear, fear would top out the others.  It carries more dread with it, more weight.  Still, I am a firm believer that our dreams are wrapped in this formless (yet weak) fright element.  Tear through that wrapping, and you not only gain access to, but you also release, the desires of your heart.  WHAT they are, HOW to get them and eventually LIVING THEM.

 

To again quote from the RSV Bible, Ps. 23:6, I’ll close with this wonderful verse and blessing for us all:  “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life . . . .”  

 

All rights reserved.  Copyright 2011 Denise Barker dba Living the Dream Publishing

Take Away at Least One Nugget . . .

Take away at least one nugget, one good idea, from each book you read, each seminar you attend, each audio you listen to.  I initially heard that from a Tony Robbins tape or book.  Whoever said it first, or thereafter, were all wise folks.

Take one nugget.  I like that.  The distillation of it.  Works well in today’s electronic culture.  Also blends in nicely with my hectic schedule, and the mountains of facts already lodged in my brain.

I am a voracious reader, reading 150 to 365 books a year, a healthy mix of fiction and nonfiction.  However, having too much information can be just as bad as too little, as any good suspense movie or detective series will prove by responding to a subpoena for documents with truckloads of bankers storage boxes.

So it is with knowledge.

I like to reread my books, sometimes every word from beginning to end.  Other times, just the underlined and/or highlighted portions.  My personalized version of CliffsNotes.  I have begun adding a date to the front page to show when I read each book last.  In some cases, with paperback novels, I’ve just dated them upon receipt and left a blank for when I actually read it.  That way I know which ones I have not yet read.

Therefore, from time to time on this blog, I will share my insights from books I have read and enjoyed and garnered a gem or fifteen worth sharing.  Today it is from John Assaraf’s book entitled The Street Kid’s Guide to Having it All.

Of course, the title says it.  Having it all.  I think we do want it all.  Life shouldn’t be about either/or, not in the context of:  you can have a successful career or a successful marriage, but not both.  No.  Sorry.  I don’t buy into that.  Now, I do understand that a man with a career that ensures he will be traveling 360 days a year who is married to a stay-at-home mother of two or more children--and who wants a 24/7/365 two-way relationship--is doomed in one area or the other, or both.

I think the either/or part comes in when we choose, “Yes, I want more time with my spouse, and therefore, I need another career.”  That first decision DOES NOT MEAN that we choose any old job to bring home a few dollars.  Don’t sell your soul for the bottom line.  There are tons of jobs that offer much more valuable commodities than paper money.  Freedom.  Creativity.  Independence.  Or if you are not inclined to be an author, you may prefer these three:  Interaction.  Industry.  Intercontinental. 

This either/or topic reminds me of that designing show on the home and garden channel where a married couple had disparate styles, something like a cowboy bunkhouse décor at odds with Manhattan chic, yet somehow, someway, this designer melded the two seemingly opposing sets of decorating sense where both parties loved the final outcome.  Amazing.

Well, that’s what you need to do with the supposed “either/or” circumstances in your life.  Look them over really hard and see where you can keep both.  Again, this is not meant in the line of thinking, “Should I give up my mistress or my wife?  Naw, I can have both!”  No.  Again I say No.  I could name names here, straight from the news, but I will restrain myself. 

This is meant to stir up your creative genes to get you thinking how you can do your current job yet stay home.  Video conferencing.  Virtual book signings.  Vlogs.  Or maybe you just find another niche in the current company where you feel even more useful and satisfied than doing that traveling gig.

My blogs tend to be more than one page and I cannot seem to write shorter, being more inclined to longer verbose documents.  So, I’ll stop here.  More on Assaraf’s Having it All in a later blog.  Or maybe a couple.