GCB Quotes from Episode Nine, “Adam and Eve’s Rib”

The cancelation of this series has bummed out this Texas Christian fan, but I have braced myself to again face the latest episodes—now the last--to pull out my favorite quotations. 

~ ~ ~

Heather:  I need a Plus One to support a church charity?

Carlene:  Oh, Heather, darling, of course you can support our team.  Just not as one of us. . . . You let me know when your marital status changes and I’ll be more than happy to give you the [foam] finger.

[Love when the female reporter shuns Zach followed by Sharon asking him to hold her purse.]

Ripp [to Laura]: Now there’s no need to get political.  There’s still plenty for girls to do.  . . . Keeping us hydrated, now that’d be a blessing.

Amanda:  Really?  Nobody has any issue with this boys-only wienie rule? . . . It is sexist and it sends a completely wrong message to our daughters.

Carlene (praying):  Although there’s no way they [a Temple] can win a BBQ competition without pork. . . . Pray for Amanda.  Please give her grace in defeat.

Gigi:  Or victory.

Amanda:  Honey, that’s so sweet.  But we’re in Texas.  Here, BBQ means meat. . . . I know there’s a little Gloria Steinem in every woman.

Laura:  A glory who?

Amanda:  Which is exactly why we’re doing this. . . .

Gigi:  Back in my day, a feminist was a woman who avoided the kitchen like a plague.

[The Mason Massey intro scene with Cricket is wonderful.  As much as I love Blake, it does my heart good to see Cricket having the possibility of a real, two-way relationship.  Cricket’s more-feminine dresses, instead of suits, and the chemistry between her and Mason sparks up this meeting.  Plus I just like all the psychological warfare and the double entendres.]

Mason:  Caesar (stud horse) always satisfies.

Cricket:  You have a lot of confidence.  I have to admit, that intrigues me. . . .

Mason:  Obviously, you’re a woman who knows what she wants, and goes after it when she see it.  If that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t be here. Would I?

Carlene:  You may have forgot while living in a Blue State, that men and women play different roles, Amanda.  The Bible makes that abundantly clear. . . . In a godly marriage, there is no His or Hers, only We.

[This scene with Zach and Sharon, in which she is more dominant/making more money, is illuminating on the confidence a well-suited job can exude from a happy woman.  Plus it sets up a later scene nicely.]

Sharon:  If you want publicity, you take out an ad with the Dallas Morning News.  . . . I don’t care how it looks to the guys.  How about how it looks to your wife?  We can’t afford it.

Gigi:  I’m the last one to give cooking advice, but should there be that much smoke?

Amanda:  That’s why they call it a smoker, Mother.

Amanda:  You get to taste my brisket.

Luke:  Do I have to?

Amanda:  . . . I don’t need you to solve my problems.  I would rather fail than win with your help.

Luke:  . . . Oh, and you might want to check that out [walking off, back to smoker, then a burst of flame!].

Gigi:  There’s nothing I can do about Luke, but I could sic Tony and Roma on Carlene.  They already think she’s a chew toy.  [For the non-Texas readers, one point of clarity here.  Tony Roma's is a famous ribs/seafood/steak restaurant in Texas and elswhere.]

Cricket:  As you can see from my live cam, Caesar hasn’t swung his sword all day.

Mason:  . . . You didn’t have to get all glossy for me. . . . My daddy did business with Clint Caruth back in the day.  He didn’t have a kind word to say about that man.  Can’t be easy to be his daughter.

Cricket:  Might have been easier to be his son.

[Luv, luv, luv the vulnerable looks Cricket can pull off.  And the fact that she defends his first physical move toward her with a martial arts combo, yet he still closes in.]

Gigi:  A glass of bourbon and a low-cut top works better than truth serum on that man [Burl].

[Now we are deep in the woods, with Gigi and Amanda seeking the secret stash of the best wood to use when smoking a brisket—from a pecan tree on Pepper Creek—on Cricket’s land.  She has joined them, pointing her rifle their way.]

Cricket:  You’re in my thicket.  In the middle of the night.  I’m curious.  Why?

Amanda:  . . . And “ladies just don’t do that” isn’t the answer I want to give her [my daughter].  You have a daughter too.  Don’t you want her to grow up in a world where she can do whatever she wants?

Cricket [in a pensive moment, studying the pecan tree]:  Daddy Bo always did love this pecan tree.  [Which she blasts with one shot of her rifle, a huge branch falling to the ground by Gigi and Amanda.]

Carlene:  Just creating a little shortage.  If Amanda can’t get her hands on any prime Wangus, well . . .

Ripp:  Smart thinking, tenderloin. . . .

Carlene:  Three to one?  You voted against me?

Danny:  Hey, you.  Small world.

Heather:  A small world.  Nice try. Amanda said you found some brisket and you wouldn’t hand it over unless I came to pick it up.  [Gotta admire the confidence, imagination and spunk of this guy.]  Well, here I am, Danny. Where’s your Wangus? . . Guys resent women who make more money than they do.

Danny:  . . . We’re in an economic downturn right now.  And this is Texas.  People will stop buying houses before they give up their meat.  . . . Well, I’m sorry you dated a bunch of idiots before.  But all it takes is meeting one good guy.  Maybe that’s me. . . . ‘Cause girls who play with fire are hot.

[There are SO many great scenes in this one episode, but here, when Carlene makes entry into Gigi’s house via the doggie door has to be the best!  Then Tony and Roma corner Carlene in the pantry, so she overhears Amanda’s honest and emotional conversation with her Mother.  They are of course surprised when Carlene joins them in a hug.  Ha!]
Amanda:  I didn't just do this for her, Mama, I did it for me. . . . But what kind of example is that to set for Laura?  To let some man think for me, or take away my voice, or treat me like nothing more than some lap dog or some cute little kitten.
Gigi:  You are so much more than that.  Shh, shh, shh, shh.  Precious girl.
Amanda:  Carlene?
 

[Pan to the BBQ site and our first glimpse of the gals is awesome—walking through the brisket smoke, all in jeans, not the norm in this show.  And their shirts?  Read “Spicy Racks.”  The background music, “there’s a little bit of devil in her angel eyes” hits the spot.]

Amanda [with a snap of her fingers to her all-ladies BBQ team]:  Racks, let’s roll.

Heather:  His name is Danny, he is not rich, he doesn’t belong to the country club, he’s a butcher.  And if anyone has anything to say about it, I will take your internal temperature with this meat probe.

Cricket:  Don’t get me started on rich men.  They think they can get anything they want based on the size of their . . . wallet.

Carlene:  Money doesn’t matter.  Especially if you don’t get to choose what to do with it.

Amanda: And it’s no guarantee of happiness . . .

Gigi: Truth be, I’d rather have the man than the money.

[Here comes the wonderful scene with the drunk guy hitting on the girls.  Zach steps in.  Fists connect.  Zach goes down.  Sharon decks the drunk; he falls to the ground.  I love how this show plays with stereotypes and flip-flops them.  Touching scene between Sharon and Zach, with his new black eye.]

Sharon [to Zach]: We knocked that fool out together, as a team, because that’s what we do.  You are my hero. . . .

Richard Dillard:  To donate one of your cars today was a class act.  Sticking up for your little lady, even classier.

[Spicy Racks wins the BBQ competition!]

Cricket [with an arm pump]:  Take that, Daddy Bo!  [Still competing with her daddy, even though he's dead.]

Carlene: I’ve always supported you, Ripp.  How could you not support me? . . .

Ripp:  Kitten, the condos are staying in Mexico.

Carlene:  Why?

Ripp:  The Lord told me.

Carlene:  He spoke to you?  Like Daniel?  And Isaiah? . . . What did His voice sound like?  A cross between Billy Graham and Kris Kristofferson?

[Another great scene.  Cricket returns to her office to find Mason has settled in.  Sitting in her chair.  Feet on her desk.  Which she shoves aside to write him a check for stud fees.  He just stands, revolves—tightly—around her.]

Cricket:  Mr. Massey, I’m a married woman.

Mason:  Well, you don’t act like one.  You’ve never even mentioned your husband’s name.  And I never ever hear you say “we” when talking about your personal life.  In my experience, these are not exactly the signs of a healthy marriage.

Cricket:  My marriage works just fine.

Mason:  But is it everything you want it to be? [pause]  Look, I’m single.  And I’m discreet.

[The kiss that unhinges Cricket is priceless!]

Gigi [to Amanda]:  Well, I couldn’t be more proud.  And that hideous thing [the BBQ trophy] comes down first thing in the morning.

Luke [talking to Amanda by phone]:  Did anyone ever tell you you’re kinda sexy when you grovel?

~ ~ ~

I love these people.  I love watching them smile at each other, share respect among themselves and speak their truth. 

One more (final) episode to dissect for fave quotes.  So sad . . .

Denise Barker, author + freelance copy editor + blogger

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GCB Quotes from Episode Eight, “Pride Comes Before the Fall”

There have been very few outfits--like three that I can remember--which I did not like at all during the course of the full (and final, sob) Season One.  But the rest of the clothing choices for the gals were just perfect.

I am SO gonna miss this show.  Kim, thanks for the good times.

Now for the great quotes from this episode:

~ ~ ~

Heather:  I’m not a playwright; I’m a playwrote. . . .   You know how many eating disorders you left in your [head cheerleader] wake? . . . I love you but, as a leader, you were a manipulative tyrant.

Amanda:  . . . My way to publicly wipe my karma slate clean.

Heather: Write a check.  It’s so much easier.

Carlene:  Oh, silly Cricket.  You know I don’t audition.  I’m always just given the lead.  It’s tradition.

Cricket:  . . . Just like death and taxes. . . . Nothing could ever change how I feel about you.

[The “Let It Shine” scene with Cricket and Carlene dueling for the role of Holy Spirit is wonderful to hear and watch.  Two over-the-top and funny touches is Bozeman’s yawn from his seat in the audience and Carlene’s pop gun filled with confetti.  Too cute!]

Cricket (to Blake):  I will not play a supporting role to that squeaky little housewife [Carlene].

[Love the “Texas Excess” TV shopping channel!  What a hoot!]

Gigi (as image consultant to Sharon):  That outfit you’ve got on, looks like Tinkerbelle threw up on it.

Pastor Steve [to Pastor Tudor, Heather and Amanda]:  But, hey, less is more . . . sometimes.

Heather [to Amanda]:  You’re looking at your clean-slate-karma-coming-out party.

Cricket (to Amanda):  [niceties, then] Damn it, what do you want?  . . . Since I have been up, I have fired my West Coast legal team, bought a small mining village in Ghana, and rehired my West Coast legal team.  Do you really think I have time for a silly play?

Amanda:  . . . I am not a dream crusher.  I am a dream maker.

[If you want to be ROTFL, take in this whole scene with Gigi, in wide-eyed horror, watching Sharon as she previews her Texas Excess selling pitch for Losing It With Jesus.  HILARIOUS!  Sharon’s just great.  Her lower-octave voice comes out like a man’s.  Ha!  Those awkward hand moves of hers are crack-you-up funny!  Watch and laugh.]

Gigi:  Never say y’all.

Sharon:  Never?

Gigi:  . . . Losing twelve pounds is a stomach virus.  Losing sixty . . . is sexy.

[The musical rehearsals are fun.  Who knew Blake was so muscular all over, and can sing and dance?]

Pastor Tudor [to Amanda]:  My mom’s the biggest Fanilow there is.  Took me to every concert in the Southwest.

Carlene:  . . . . Burned her thumbs, poor thing [Carmelita].  But happy to do it for one of the Holy Trinity.

[Carlene is so great in her Holy Spirit costume, bouncing along with her wings.  Just really great acting.  Fully engaged.]

Carlene:  You cut me from the cheer squad because I had bad skin; now you’re making me play the leper?

Amanda:  Oh.  Oh, how did I miss the symmetry of that?

[I love, love, love Carlene’s hot-pink-and-black dress topped off by the black hat, complete with black netting and hot-pink flowers.  Beautiful!]

Technician:  This is specially calibrated to your body weight.  You can’t gain an ounce before opening night.

Cricket:  I’m on Day Four of an ice-cube-and-bamboo cleanse.  Not a problem.

[Sharon on Texas Excess is so great, in an awful sort of way.  Watch and enjoy.]

Gigi:  Go to your talking points, the Middle Eastern origin of your diet, why the pomegranate may have been the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden and the antioxidant power of manna.

Sharon:  That’s an awful lot to remember

Cricket:  I’m not surprised.  Poor Heather, always handing out her muffin to anyone with butter.

Amanda:  . . . but you people have brought your own crazy to the party.

Pastor Tudor:  Not if it’s the way you feel. . . . Clearly you hurt people, Amanda, and that hurts you.  Deeply. . . . Destroyed?  I’m afraid those three [Cricket, Carlene and Heather] are tough enough to survive the apocalypse.  . . . You can’t control when someone forgives you.  You can only forgive yourself.  Be patient and hope they come around.  Old wounds are hard to heal.

Gigi [to Sharon]: Your best quality is something that I could never give you. Your heart.  You just go out there and you be yourself.

Carlene:  The Neiman’s secret warehouse sale is by invite only.

[Watch the trio when startled, come to their own defense:  Heather pulls out her pepper spray, Cricket strikes a tae kwon do pose, and Carlene puts a whistle on her key chain in her mouth.]

Carlene:  We’ve been hoodwinked.

Cricket:  By a delusional woman who thinks she can still fit into her old cheerleader uniform.

Amanda:  Um, excuse me.  I totally can, but that’s beside the point.

[The mud fight between the girls, Amanda, Carlene, Cricket and Heather, is truly rejuvenating.  Emotionally. WONDERFUL music clip here.]

Amanda:  . . . An eye for an eye.

Carlene:  Not our testament.  We turn the other cheek.

Amanda:  [taunting Carlene]

[Mud fight ensues.]

Cricket:  . . . I never liked this dress. . . .  [Makes up with Carlene.]  Don’t you make me cry in this parking lot.

Heather:  [standing up for herself with Carlene, and yet making up, about to get a hug from muddy Carlene.]  No.  You’re gross.

Carlene:  . . . I have Wet Ones.

Heather:  I think I’m gonna call a cab.

Ripp [to the four ladies, freshly cleaned up from their recent mud fight]:  You will behave like decent, honorable Christian women. Got it?  . . . Verbal confirmation is necessary.

[The “Jesus is Just Alright” song and dance is great—right up until Carlene pops through a stained-glass window.  But she finishes the song!]

~ ~ ~

Denise Barker, author + freelance copy editor

Good Ole Boys, a love story

A Copyediting Checklist for Novelists

Oops! More Quotes from GCB Pilot

I cleaned off my desk this morning and found more handwritten notes of quotes from the GCB Pilot that were not included in my original post of same.  So here they are:

PILOT

Amanda (to her California attorney):  My mother is a meddling, overbearing, smothering nightmare.

Sharon:  My Bible’s in my other purse.

Carlene:  Of course she’s single, Sharon.  Most widows are.

Carlene:  Ladies, it is not appropriate to speak of such things on the phone.  I’ll see you in church.

Gigi:  Dallas and southern California have the same weather without the liberals.

Will:  Grandma, I mean Gigi, do you have internet?

Gigi:  Why would I?  I don’t watch porn.

Gigi:  Nobody can turn grief into a six-percent commission better than Heather [RE agent].

Amanda:  I’ve been sober for eighteen months, Mother.

Gigi:  Why?

Amanda (to son, Will):  You know?  Whatever awful things your father did, he was a really good dad and that’s the only memory worth keeping.  I love you.

Amanda:  I encourage them [my children] to find their own spirituality.

Gigi:  Cut the commie crap.  My grandchildren are going to church so they can go to heaven.  End of story.  Amen.

Carlene (to Amanda):  Well, darling, we all hope you’re here for good.  And not evil.

Amanda:  OMG, she’s [Carlene’s] praying for me.

Gigi:  See, people around here really care.

Heather:  She’s [Amanda] not even gonna be able to afford indoor plumbing [on her living allowance authorized by the Feds while they investigate her because of her husband’s Ponzi scheme and embezzlement.]

Carlene:  Jesus didn’t have it.

Heather [to Amanda, while searching for a house]:  Don’t worry.  They don’t allow takeoffs and landings between midnight and four a.m.

Ripp:  Where the heck are you, kitten?

Carlene:  I’m going to be a little late, precious.

Ripp:  You sound upset.  What’s wrong?  What can I do?  How can I help?

Carlene:  Well, I had to get some body work done and they messed up my colon. [walking over to mechanic and now speaking to him.]  Darling, it’s John 3:16.  The colon goes between the three and the sixteen.  [walking away and now whispering to her husband:]  I don’t think he’s Christian.

Heather (to Amanda):  But should you decide to have some (cosmetic) work done, always check the car the doctor drives.  If it’s a Ferrari, hire him.  If it’s a pickup, it means he lost a lawsuit.

Amanda (saying her prayer out loud at church):  Count your blessings . . . how blessed we all are.  Our homes, families, friends.  The blessing of forgiveness.  For we all need to forgive and be forgiven.  Personally, I have been blessed with a second chance.  To start over.  To do better . . . Thankful to have a job.  At Boobylicious.  I’m grateful to my employer, The Kitten Corp.  Which is a wholly owned subsidiary of Cockburn Unlimited.  God bless Ripp and Carlene Cockburn.

Amanda [to her mother, after her public prayer and embarrassment of Carlene]:  I’m thinking I kinda like this church stuff.

Annie Potts

I'm an ardent follower of Annie Potts.  Loved her in Ghostbusters.  Enjoyed her in Designing Women.  Totally adore her in GCB.  At first, I thought she wasn't old enough to have a 36-ish TV daughter.  If Amanda left as a pregnant senior in High School to marry Bill, she was probably the usual age of eighteen.  Plus if she moved away from her mother for another eighteen years as the show states a couple times (but "hasn't seen her in eight years"), then Amanda is thirty-six.  If her mother was twenty when she had her, then Gigi would have to be at least fifty-six.

Come to find out Annie Potts is fifty-nine.  And what a beauty at any age--regardless if she is knocking on sixty.

In GCB, Gigi gets some bad press.  Wanting to send off unwed pregnant Amanda to Gigi's sister in New Orleans, only to have the baby and then give it up, is not being supportive.  Harsh even.

HOWEVER, in the TV script, Gigi lost her husband to death at around the same time Amanda left Dallas and her mom.  Eighteen years ago.  So Gigi was handling both, plus an abrupt empty nest.  The TV series hasn't yet delved into Gigi's past on these points.  But I have to admire her as Amanda attacks her again on the adoption issue from years ago.  Gigi stands proud.  She's not giving into guilt--which would be easy to do.  Plus, useless.  Nonproductive.

And like any story, there are two sides.  I look forward to seeing an episode that explains more about what Gigi went through back then.

BTW, I have not yet read the book, so the series is unfolding as I see it on Hulu.

Another episode is coming on ABC tonight--Yeehaw!