GCB Quotes from Episode Ten (the Final), "Revelation"

Months later, I am still forlorn that the powers-that-be failed to see what I saw in this series. However, I pulled up my big girl panties and faced compiling quotes from this last and final episode of my beloved GCB. I was really enjoying the interplay between Mason and Cricket and now there is no more.

~ ~ ~
 

Mason Massey: I know you enjoyed our little kiss last week . . . you enjoyed that kiss way more than a happily married woman should ever enjoy a kiss with a man she barely  knows.

Cricket: So inappropriate.

Mason: So I was thinking we could take an early lunch that could easily turn into a late one.

Cricket: Not interested.

Mason: Really? Because it’s clear from your body language that you’re hungry.

Blake: It’s okay, Crick. We both have our outside interests.

Cricket: No. Uh-uh. Mason is not okay. Mason cannot be an outside interest. He’s different.

Amanda to Pastor Tudor (who just committed himself to fly to Juarez with Carlene, Cricket, Sharon and Heather): You don’t want to chow down on a big plate of crazy by yourself?

Zach (to Sharon): Trust me. I’m a car salesman (and he’s smiling too while he says this!).

Cricket: Zach! Off [the phone]! You can play Master of the Universe when we land.

Carlene: …our security detail. Now I know what you’re thinking. The Lord always protects us but a couple of big guys with guns helps make His job easier.

Gigi [to Amanda]: Don’t argue with me. I have pesos and I’m packing.

Pastor Tudor: I’ll go with you. Juarez can be dangerous.

Gigi [to Pastor]: That’s sweet, but she’s got her mama.

Amanda [to Gigi]: I’ve got a plan. I’m gonna ring the doorbell and rip him a new one. Luke lied to me. I’ve had it with men lying to me. Oh, I never got to confront my dead husband about his lies so this will feel extra good.

Sharon [ to Zach]: I want to be a Mistress to the Universe. Just like Cricket.

Blake: Not now [when Cricket kisses him in public]. 

Cricket: Uh-uh. I almost just died in the desert. From now on, EVERYTHING IS NOW.

~ ~ ~

Bye to all you wonderful actors who made this novel come alive. Gonna so miss every single one of you.

Denise Barker, author + blogger + copy editor

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GCB Quotes from Episode Nine, “Adam and Eve’s Rib”

The cancelation of this series has bummed out this Texas Christian fan, but I have braced myself to again face the latest episodes—now the last--to pull out my favorite quotations. 

~ ~ ~

Heather:  I need a Plus One to support a church charity?

Carlene:  Oh, Heather, darling, of course you can support our team.  Just not as one of us. . . . You let me know when your marital status changes and I’ll be more than happy to give you the [foam] finger.

[Love when the female reporter shuns Zach followed by Sharon asking him to hold her purse.]

Ripp [to Laura]: Now there’s no need to get political.  There’s still plenty for girls to do.  . . . Keeping us hydrated, now that’d be a blessing.

Amanda:  Really?  Nobody has any issue with this boys-only wienie rule? . . . It is sexist and it sends a completely wrong message to our daughters.

Carlene (praying):  Although there’s no way they [a Temple] can win a BBQ competition without pork. . . . Pray for Amanda.  Please give her grace in defeat.

Gigi:  Or victory.

Amanda:  Honey, that’s so sweet.  But we’re in Texas.  Here, BBQ means meat. . . . I know there’s a little Gloria Steinem in every woman.

Laura:  A glory who?

Amanda:  Which is exactly why we’re doing this. . . .

Gigi:  Back in my day, a feminist was a woman who avoided the kitchen like a plague.

[The Mason Massey intro scene with Cricket is wonderful.  As much as I love Blake, it does my heart good to see Cricket having the possibility of a real, two-way relationship.  Cricket’s more-feminine dresses, instead of suits, and the chemistry between her and Mason sparks up this meeting.  Plus I just like all the psychological warfare and the double entendres.]

Mason:  Caesar (stud horse) always satisfies.

Cricket:  You have a lot of confidence.  I have to admit, that intrigues me. . . .

Mason:  Obviously, you’re a woman who knows what she wants, and goes after it when she see it.  If that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t be here. Would I?

Carlene:  You may have forgot while living in a Blue State, that men and women play different roles, Amanda.  The Bible makes that abundantly clear. . . . In a godly marriage, there is no His or Hers, only We.

[This scene with Zach and Sharon, in which she is more dominant/making more money, is illuminating on the confidence a well-suited job can exude from a happy woman.  Plus it sets up a later scene nicely.]

Sharon:  If you want publicity, you take out an ad with the Dallas Morning News.  . . . I don’t care how it looks to the guys.  How about how it looks to your wife?  We can’t afford it.

Gigi:  I’m the last one to give cooking advice, but should there be that much smoke?

Amanda:  That’s why they call it a smoker, Mother.

Amanda:  You get to taste my brisket.

Luke:  Do I have to?

Amanda:  . . . I don’t need you to solve my problems.  I would rather fail than win with your help.

Luke:  . . . Oh, and you might want to check that out [walking off, back to smoker, then a burst of flame!].

Gigi:  There’s nothing I can do about Luke, but I could sic Tony and Roma on Carlene.  They already think she’s a chew toy.  [For the non-Texas readers, one point of clarity here.  Tony Roma's is a famous ribs/seafood/steak restaurant in Texas and elswhere.]

Cricket:  As you can see from my live cam, Caesar hasn’t swung his sword all day.

Mason:  . . . You didn’t have to get all glossy for me. . . . My daddy did business with Clint Caruth back in the day.  He didn’t have a kind word to say about that man.  Can’t be easy to be his daughter.

Cricket:  Might have been easier to be his son.

[Luv, luv, luv the vulnerable looks Cricket can pull off.  And the fact that she defends his first physical move toward her with a martial arts combo, yet he still closes in.]

Gigi:  A glass of bourbon and a low-cut top works better than truth serum on that man [Burl].

[Now we are deep in the woods, with Gigi and Amanda seeking the secret stash of the best wood to use when smoking a brisket—from a pecan tree on Pepper Creek—on Cricket’s land.  She has joined them, pointing her rifle their way.]

Cricket:  You’re in my thicket.  In the middle of the night.  I’m curious.  Why?

Amanda:  . . . And “ladies just don’t do that” isn’t the answer I want to give her [my daughter].  You have a daughter too.  Don’t you want her to grow up in a world where she can do whatever she wants?

Cricket [in a pensive moment, studying the pecan tree]:  Daddy Bo always did love this pecan tree.  [Which she blasts with one shot of her rifle, a huge branch falling to the ground by Gigi and Amanda.]

Carlene:  Just creating a little shortage.  If Amanda can’t get her hands on any prime Wangus, well . . .

Ripp:  Smart thinking, tenderloin. . . .

Carlene:  Three to one?  You voted against me?

Danny:  Hey, you.  Small world.

Heather:  A small world.  Nice try. Amanda said you found some brisket and you wouldn’t hand it over unless I came to pick it up.  [Gotta admire the confidence, imagination and spunk of this guy.]  Well, here I am, Danny. Where’s your Wangus? . . Guys resent women who make more money than they do.

Danny:  . . . We’re in an economic downturn right now.  And this is Texas.  People will stop buying houses before they give up their meat.  . . . Well, I’m sorry you dated a bunch of idiots before.  But all it takes is meeting one good guy.  Maybe that’s me. . . . ‘Cause girls who play with fire are hot.

[There are SO many great scenes in this one episode, but here, when Carlene makes entry into Gigi’s house via the doggie door has to be the best!  Then Tony and Roma corner Carlene in the pantry, so she overhears Amanda’s honest and emotional conversation with her Mother.  They are of course surprised when Carlene joins them in a hug.  Ha!]
Amanda:  I didn't just do this for her, Mama, I did it for me. . . . But what kind of example is that to set for Laura?  To let some man think for me, or take away my voice, or treat me like nothing more than some lap dog or some cute little kitten.
Gigi:  You are so much more than that.  Shh, shh, shh, shh.  Precious girl.
Amanda:  Carlene?
 

[Pan to the BBQ site and our first glimpse of the gals is awesome—walking through the brisket smoke, all in jeans, not the norm in this show.  And their shirts?  Read “Spicy Racks.”  The background music, “there’s a little bit of devil in her angel eyes” hits the spot.]

Amanda [with a snap of her fingers to her all-ladies BBQ team]:  Racks, let’s roll.

Heather:  His name is Danny, he is not rich, he doesn’t belong to the country club, he’s a butcher.  And if anyone has anything to say about it, I will take your internal temperature with this meat probe.

Cricket:  Don’t get me started on rich men.  They think they can get anything they want based on the size of their . . . wallet.

Carlene:  Money doesn’t matter.  Especially if you don’t get to choose what to do with it.

Amanda: And it’s no guarantee of happiness . . .

Gigi: Truth be, I’d rather have the man than the money.

[Here comes the wonderful scene with the drunk guy hitting on the girls.  Zach steps in.  Fists connect.  Zach goes down.  Sharon decks the drunk; he falls to the ground.  I love how this show plays with stereotypes and flip-flops them.  Touching scene between Sharon and Zach, with his new black eye.]

Sharon [to Zach]: We knocked that fool out together, as a team, because that’s what we do.  You are my hero. . . .

Richard Dillard:  To donate one of your cars today was a class act.  Sticking up for your little lady, even classier.

[Spicy Racks wins the BBQ competition!]

Cricket [with an arm pump]:  Take that, Daddy Bo!  [Still competing with her daddy, even though he's dead.]

Carlene: I’ve always supported you, Ripp.  How could you not support me? . . .

Ripp:  Kitten, the condos are staying in Mexico.

Carlene:  Why?

Ripp:  The Lord told me.

Carlene:  He spoke to you?  Like Daniel?  And Isaiah? . . . What did His voice sound like?  A cross between Billy Graham and Kris Kristofferson?

[Another great scene.  Cricket returns to her office to find Mason has settled in.  Sitting in her chair.  Feet on her desk.  Which she shoves aside to write him a check for stud fees.  He just stands, revolves—tightly—around her.]

Cricket:  Mr. Massey, I’m a married woman.

Mason:  Well, you don’t act like one.  You’ve never even mentioned your husband’s name.  And I never ever hear you say “we” when talking about your personal life.  In my experience, these are not exactly the signs of a healthy marriage.

Cricket:  My marriage works just fine.

Mason:  But is it everything you want it to be? [pause]  Look, I’m single.  And I’m discreet.

[The kiss that unhinges Cricket is priceless!]

Gigi [to Amanda]:  Well, I couldn’t be more proud.  And that hideous thing [the BBQ trophy] comes down first thing in the morning.

Luke [talking to Amanda by phone]:  Did anyone ever tell you you’re kinda sexy when you grovel?

~ ~ ~

I love these people.  I love watching them smile at each other, share respect among themselves and speak their truth. 

One more (final) episode to dissect for fave quotes.  So sad . . .

Denise Barker, author + freelance copy editor + blogger

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GCB Quotes from Episode Eight, “Pride Comes Before the Fall”

There have been very few outfits--like three that I can remember--which I did not like at all during the course of the full (and final, sob) Season One.  But the rest of the clothing choices for the gals were just perfect.

I am SO gonna miss this show.  Kim, thanks for the good times.

Now for the great quotes from this episode:

~ ~ ~

Heather:  I’m not a playwright; I’m a playwrote. . . .   You know how many eating disorders you left in your [head cheerleader] wake? . . . I love you but, as a leader, you were a manipulative tyrant.

Amanda:  . . . My way to publicly wipe my karma slate clean.

Heather: Write a check.  It’s so much easier.

Carlene:  Oh, silly Cricket.  You know I don’t audition.  I’m always just given the lead.  It’s tradition.

Cricket:  . . . Just like death and taxes. . . . Nothing could ever change how I feel about you.

[The “Let It Shine” scene with Cricket and Carlene dueling for the role of Holy Spirit is wonderful to hear and watch.  Two over-the-top and funny touches is Bozeman’s yawn from his seat in the audience and Carlene’s pop gun filled with confetti.  Too cute!]

Cricket (to Blake):  I will not play a supporting role to that squeaky little housewife [Carlene].

[Love the “Texas Excess” TV shopping channel!  What a hoot!]

Gigi (as image consultant to Sharon):  That outfit you’ve got on, looks like Tinkerbelle threw up on it.

Pastor Steve [to Pastor Tudor, Heather and Amanda]:  But, hey, less is more . . . sometimes.

Heather [to Amanda]:  You’re looking at your clean-slate-karma-coming-out party.

Cricket (to Amanda):  [niceties, then] Damn it, what do you want?  . . . Since I have been up, I have fired my West Coast legal team, bought a small mining village in Ghana, and rehired my West Coast legal team.  Do you really think I have time for a silly play?

Amanda:  . . . I am not a dream crusher.  I am a dream maker.

[If you want to be ROTFL, take in this whole scene with Gigi, in wide-eyed horror, watching Sharon as she previews her Texas Excess selling pitch for Losing It With Jesus.  HILARIOUS!  Sharon’s just great.  Her lower-octave voice comes out like a man’s.  Ha!  Those awkward hand moves of hers are crack-you-up funny!  Watch and laugh.]

Gigi:  Never say y’all.

Sharon:  Never?

Gigi:  . . . Losing twelve pounds is a stomach virus.  Losing sixty . . . is sexy.

[The musical rehearsals are fun.  Who knew Blake was so muscular all over, and can sing and dance?]

Pastor Tudor [to Amanda]:  My mom’s the biggest Fanilow there is.  Took me to every concert in the Southwest.

Carlene:  . . . . Burned her thumbs, poor thing [Carmelita].  But happy to do it for one of the Holy Trinity.

[Carlene is so great in her Holy Spirit costume, bouncing along with her wings.  Just really great acting.  Fully engaged.]

Carlene:  You cut me from the cheer squad because I had bad skin; now you’re making me play the leper?

Amanda:  Oh.  Oh, how did I miss the symmetry of that?

[I love, love, love Carlene’s hot-pink-and-black dress topped off by the black hat, complete with black netting and hot-pink flowers.  Beautiful!]

Technician:  This is specially calibrated to your body weight.  You can’t gain an ounce before opening night.

Cricket:  I’m on Day Four of an ice-cube-and-bamboo cleanse.  Not a problem.

[Sharon on Texas Excess is so great, in an awful sort of way.  Watch and enjoy.]

Gigi:  Go to your talking points, the Middle Eastern origin of your diet, why the pomegranate may have been the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden and the antioxidant power of manna.

Sharon:  That’s an awful lot to remember

Cricket:  I’m not surprised.  Poor Heather, always handing out her muffin to anyone with butter.

Amanda:  . . . but you people have brought your own crazy to the party.

Pastor Tudor:  Not if it’s the way you feel. . . . Clearly you hurt people, Amanda, and that hurts you.  Deeply. . . . Destroyed?  I’m afraid those three [Cricket, Carlene and Heather] are tough enough to survive the apocalypse.  . . . You can’t control when someone forgives you.  You can only forgive yourself.  Be patient and hope they come around.  Old wounds are hard to heal.

Gigi [to Sharon]: Your best quality is something that I could never give you. Your heart.  You just go out there and you be yourself.

Carlene:  The Neiman’s secret warehouse sale is by invite only.

[Watch the trio when startled, come to their own defense:  Heather pulls out her pepper spray, Cricket strikes a tae kwon do pose, and Carlene puts a whistle on her key chain in her mouth.]

Carlene:  We’ve been hoodwinked.

Cricket:  By a delusional woman who thinks she can still fit into her old cheerleader uniform.

Amanda:  Um, excuse me.  I totally can, but that’s beside the point.

[The mud fight between the girls, Amanda, Carlene, Cricket and Heather, is truly rejuvenating.  Emotionally. WONDERFUL music clip here.]

Amanda:  . . . An eye for an eye.

Carlene:  Not our testament.  We turn the other cheek.

Amanda:  [taunting Carlene]

[Mud fight ensues.]

Cricket:  . . . I never liked this dress. . . .  [Makes up with Carlene.]  Don’t you make me cry in this parking lot.

Heather:  [standing up for herself with Carlene, and yet making up, about to get a hug from muddy Carlene.]  No.  You’re gross.

Carlene:  . . . I have Wet Ones.

Heather:  I think I’m gonna call a cab.

Ripp [to the four ladies, freshly cleaned up from their recent mud fight]:  You will behave like decent, honorable Christian women. Got it?  . . . Verbal confirmation is necessary.

[The “Jesus is Just Alright” song and dance is great—right up until Carlene pops through a stained-glass window.  But she finishes the song!]

~ ~ ~

Denise Barker, author + freelance copy editor

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GCB Quotes from Episode Seven, “Sex is Divine”

As if you can’t tell already how enamored I am with this TV series on ABC, based on Kim Gatlin’s book, let me point out the perfection of the title--diamonds and gold, with the C shaped like a horseshoe.  I love the white hat, the white dress, both denoting purity, with all the bling that connotes Dallas wealth.

The theme song and the music tracks are wonderfully apropos.  Truly well matched.

Now for my favorite lines from Episode Seven:

* * *

Drunk:  Twin Peaks is giving us attitude.

Amanda [yanking down the big drunk]:  Her name is Sapphire.  What she’ll give you is your check.  Good night.

Drunk:  You ain’t getting no tip.

Amanda:  Oh, honey.  Your butt headed out the door is gratuity enough.

Ripp:  Way to take ‘em down, Amanda.

Amanda:  Well, every now and then, you gotta bust some balls. . . .

Pastor Tudor:  . . . Jesus threw out thieves and robbers.  Sometimes you gotta cleanse the temple.

Ripp:  If you’ll excuse me.  I gotta see a man about a horse.

Amanda:  Well, you know where it is.

Ripp:  No, I mean, I gotta talk to Bubba Richardson about buying his horse.

[Luke with Amanda on his couch, kissing.]

Carlene:  Hey, hey, hey.  I’ve been noticing how dark it is down here in the guest house and I’ve been meaning to bring this lamp so you can have more light for reading and . . . well-lit activities.

Luke:  Sis, got company.

Carlene:  I know that, silly.  My security cameras don’t miss a thing.  Got to watch out for unwelcome intruders.  Barn door’s open.

Amanda:  Okay, to be continued.  Carlene, as always.

Carlene:  Oh, was I . . . did y’all . . . ?

Blake [during interview of potential surrogate mother]:  We are not infertile.

Cricket:  I am just not in a position to give up alcohol, sushi or grabbing Stimulus Dollars for nine months.  You’ve got to be on your toes for that one. . . .

Blake:  We might have to go outside Texas.

Cricket:  No.  We agreed we would not lower our standards.

[This scene with Sharon and Zach in the kitchen is so cute.  Sharon’s lost weight and can’t get his attention to look at her no matter what she does.]

Zach:  Did you know that Blake only eats egg whites ever?

Sharon:  Oh poor Cricket.  All those yolks gone to waste. . . .  Zach Peacham, you notice my jeans right now. . . . I haven’t been able to fit into these bad girls for five years. And I owe it all to the Holy Word.  . . . Fish, lemon grilled.  Only breakfast food mentioned in the scriptures.  . . . This book, Foods of the Bible.  The Holy Land was filled with high fiber and low carb, but you have to be careful of New Testament entrees.  They break a lot of bread. . . .

Zach:  What did they eat for dessert?

Amanda:  Nothing good.  So what I’ve done is I’ve put a sweet Bible verse in each basket.  Gen. 9:3.  Every moving thing that liveth shall be food for you.

Amanda:  Hey, I worked Boobylicious after the Texas-OU game.  Nothing scares me.

Pastor Tudor:  I served eighteen months in Iraq.  Some of the ladies around here do.  [In walks in Sharon, Cricket and Carlene.]

Carlene:  Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.  I just keep walking in on you in the most unnatural situations.

Cricket:  Getting pregnant would be part of the [unwed mothers’] program.

Amanda:  That makes no sense, Cricket.

Cricket:  It makes sense to Blake and me and we’re writing the check.

Amanda:  Carlene, you know how many laws you’d be breaking selling apartments only to Christians?

Carlene:  Not in Mexico.  Stay in your lane, sweetie.

Pastor Tudor [his sermon for the adults-only congregation]: . . . This message is adults only. . . .  Sex . . . is . . . divine.  . . . Sex is a gift from God.  He created it to strengthen the union between two people who love each other.  To increase their intimacy.  Improve their communication.  . . . Are we making the best use of God’s gift?  . . . For all you committed couples out there.  Everyone here is an adult.  You can determine if this exercise is for you.  Here’s my assignment.  From today ‘til next Sunday, I’m challenging you all to have sex with your partner once a day, every single day.  Touch each other.  Look into each other’s eyes, souls.  Truly share one another and let’s see what happens.  [And can I have an Amen here!]

Luke [to Amanda]:  Slow down there, land speed.

Blake:  I realized there is only one woman that’s good enough to carry our progeny.

Cricket:  Taylor Swift is not from Texas.

Blake:  . . . Why outsource when we can go in-house?

Laura Vaughn:  I don’t know why everybody’s weirding out.  Who cares how many times married people do it?

Landry Cockburn:  Well, is it just old people?

Burl:  You don’t think the leather floors are too much?

Gigi:  For a man with stingray hide on the walls of his yacht?

Burl:  Heather’s right.  When you find what you want, you have got to jump.  [on his knee now]

Gigi:  Jumping’s the other way.  You’ve dropped down.

Burl:  Marry me, Gigi.

Zach [to Sharon in bed]:  Well, uh, sometimes when, when things are slow at work, I . . . watch movies that are . . . kinda dull.  Things have been really slow lately.

[This next scene with Blake and Cricket in the bedroom about to make their own baby, with the lyrics “Hey, babe, what you say?  Let’s go down and roll in the hay” singing in the background is funny! Like a couple on a first date, instead of married for years.  Role reversal in play.  Great communication.  Lots of giggling from both parties.]

Cricket:  You know, this sports metaphor is kinda doing it for me.  You want to kick off or should I?

Blake:  . . . There ain’t going to be any dancing in the end zone tonight.

Amanda:  Burl proposed?  What did you say?

Gigi:  I said get up off your knee before you hurt yourself.   Then I said I’d have to think about it.  [Hands Amanda an alcoholic drink.]

Amanda [setting aside the alcohol with a frown]:  Oh, Mama.  Burl is crazy about you.  And you are crazy about him. Why didn’t you just say yes?

Gigi:  I have been not married as long as I was married.  I like not married just fine.  I’m not going to rush into anything again just because some man hands me something sparkly.

Amanda:  Okay.  Well, maybe it is a little fast.  But you two both love each other.  Why do you have to beat around the bush?

Gigi:  I just don’t like feeling pressured to make big decisions.  I don’t even buy a car without a test drive.  Especially a stick shift.

Amanda:  Mother!

Gigi:  What?  It’s an important part of any relationship.  I’m just taking my cues from the pastor.  You can thank him tomorrow for inspiring me.

[Watch Zach and Sharon’s facial expressions during this scene.]

Zach:  Do you think I’m fat?  . . . It’s weird.  I keep wanting to talk after sex.  It’s like I’m turning into a . . . woman.

Sharon:  No.  It’s beautiful.

Zach:  Really?

[Leave it to Carlene . . . ]

Landry:  As a Purity Pioneer, I make a commitment to God [while leering at Amanda’s breasts], to myself, to my family, to my friends . . .

Alexandra:  To my future mate and my future children, to a lifetime of purity [as she gazes lustfully at Bozeman].

Bozeman:  I will refrain from fantasizing, talking about or having sexual intercourse [looking upon smiling Alexandra] from this day on until the day I marry.

McKinney:  Or a thousand years from now, whichever comes first.

Amanda [to Carlene]:  Seriously?  A thousand years?

Carlene:  Science is very advanced these days.  If you believe in that kind of thing.

Amanda:  . . . I don’t hate purity. . . . You’ll have to pretend sex doesn’t exist somewhere else.

[I love this next scene with Sharon and Zach re-enacting parts from a porn movie with Sharon as an archaeologist.  Sharon is one great comedian.  And using Zach’s postcoital openness to ask for an outdoor pizza oven backfires on her here.]

Cricket:  Let’s take these babies and make us some babies.  . . . .[After taking an expensive herbal mixture meant to increase libido, but instead they keep sweating, can’t get comfortable].   . . . If this is what it takes for pandas to hump, no wonder they are almost extinct. . . . . I do NOT feel sexy.

[Gigi in a negligee is “beautiful” like Burl says.]

Gigi:  . . . And never say the word grandkids to a welcoming woman in a negligee. . . .

Burl:  . . . I believe what we could have . . . belongs in a marriage. . . .

Gigi:  And I think you should get up here right now before I change my mind.  What’s the worst thing that could happen?  [Burl collapses and is taken to the hospital in an ambulance.]

Amanda [to Laura]:  I don’t mind abstinence.  It just has to go hand-in-hand with education.  Carlene’s organization isn’t interested in that.

Burl:  I had a glitch in my pacemaker.  The doctors give it a twist or a jolt, or whatever they do, and I’m fine. . . . It’s a pity yes. . . . Just the other day it was:  I need more time.  You know when I say that, Gigi? During business negotiations, when I have respect for my opponent but not the deal.  Means no. . . . .  You’re here worried about my heart and you don’t even know your own.  The proposal’s off the table.

Gigi:  . . . But there’s only one me.

Amanda:  Let me get this straight.  You are trying to scare our children into being celibate? . . .  Carlene, all you’re doing here is demonizing sex.  Making it out to be something horrible.  And dirty.  Why can’t we just be honest with them about how to prevent these things?

Carlene:  Oh, Amanda, sweet Amanda.  This is America.  Fear works better.

[Excellent church scene where Amanda and Carlene discuss their kids making out and Carlene confesses her sins.]

Amanda:  I’m so sick of you saying I’m a fallen woman.  Do you want to know what?  I’ve only had sex with one man, my husband, Bill.

Carlene: . . . I guess I misjudged you.  Maybe it’s the way you dress.

Burl:  You think I go running around willy-nilly asking women to marry me?  Hmm?  It’s not something I take lightly. . . .

Gigi:  I love ya. . . . So here’s how it’s gonna work.  At your discretion, you are going to ask me to marry you, again.  This time I will say yes, without hesitation and not out of pity, because I know a perfect thing when I see it.

Burl:  Fine.  I returned the ring.

Gigi:  Fine.  We’ll go up a carat.  [Both laughing.]  Now how about that hanky-panky?

Burl:  You’re on.

[Oooh, Kristin Chenoweth as Carlene should get an Emmy for her sex talk with Laura Vaughn.  That little bodily movement she added to the tale about the parking lot of the Burger Shack is so . . . vivid!  Of course, Amanda cannot have a sex talk with Landry Cockburn without a shotgun in hand seated among other firearms in her father’s gun room, right? This IS Texas.]

[Then what better to follow than . . . ]

Blake [to Cricket in bed]:   I . . . am . . . Spartacus.

Zach:  . . . And the raisin loaf is actually a satisfying dessert.

Sharon:  It’s what Abigail gave to David to appease his anger.

Luke [meeting Amanda at the Ritz]:  We can wait as long as you want.  Look, if all we do tonight is wear those comfy robes, order room service and watch pay-per-view, it’s fine with me.  You’re worth the wait.

* * *

I’ll be posting soon more great one-liners from the remaining GCB Season One episodes.

Denise Barker

Author of Good Ole Boys, a love story
Freelance Copy Editor
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