GCB Quotes from Episode Nine, “Adam and Eve’s Rib”

The cancelation of this series has bummed out this Texas Christian fan, but I have braced myself to again face the latest episodes—now the last--to pull out my favorite quotations. 

~ ~ ~

Heather:  I need a Plus One to support a church charity?

Carlene:  Oh, Heather, darling, of course you can support our team.  Just not as one of us. . . . You let me know when your marital status changes and I’ll be more than happy to give you the [foam] finger.

[Love when the female reporter shuns Zach followed by Sharon asking him to hold her purse.]

Ripp [to Laura]: Now there’s no need to get political.  There’s still plenty for girls to do.  . . . Keeping us hydrated, now that’d be a blessing.

Amanda:  Really?  Nobody has any issue with this boys-only wienie rule? . . . It is sexist and it sends a completely wrong message to our daughters.

Carlene (praying):  Although there’s no way they [a Temple] can win a BBQ competition without pork. . . . Pray for Amanda.  Please give her grace in defeat.

Gigi:  Or victory.

Amanda:  Honey, that’s so sweet.  But we’re in Texas.  Here, BBQ means meat. . . . I know there’s a little Gloria Steinem in every woman.

Laura:  A glory who?

Amanda:  Which is exactly why we’re doing this. . . .

Gigi:  Back in my day, a feminist was a woman who avoided the kitchen like a plague.

[The Mason Massey intro scene with Cricket is wonderful.  As much as I love Blake, it does my heart good to see Cricket having the possibility of a real, two-way relationship.  Cricket’s more-feminine dresses, instead of suits, and the chemistry between her and Mason sparks up this meeting.  Plus I just like all the psychological warfare and the double entendres.]

Mason:  Caesar (stud horse) always satisfies.

Cricket:  You have a lot of confidence.  I have to admit, that intrigues me. . . .

Mason:  Obviously, you’re a woman who knows what she wants, and goes after it when she see it.  If that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t be here. Would I?

Carlene:  You may have forgot while living in a Blue State, that men and women play different roles, Amanda.  The Bible makes that abundantly clear. . . . In a godly marriage, there is no His or Hers, only We.

[This scene with Zach and Sharon, in which she is more dominant/making more money, is illuminating on the confidence a well-suited job can exude from a happy woman.  Plus it sets up a later scene nicely.]

Sharon:  If you want publicity, you take out an ad with the Dallas Morning News.  . . . I don’t care how it looks to the guys.  How about how it looks to your wife?  We can’t afford it.

Gigi:  I’m the last one to give cooking advice, but should there be that much smoke?

Amanda:  That’s why they call it a smoker, Mother.

Amanda:  You get to taste my brisket.

Luke:  Do I have to?

Amanda:  . . . I don’t need you to solve my problems.  I would rather fail than win with your help.

Luke:  . . . Oh, and you might want to check that out [walking off, back to smoker, then a burst of flame!].

Gigi:  There’s nothing I can do about Luke, but I could sic Tony and Roma on Carlene.  They already think she’s a chew toy.  [For the non-Texas readers, one point of clarity here.  Tony Roma's is a famous ribs/seafood/steak restaurant in Texas and elswhere.]

Cricket:  As you can see from my live cam, Caesar hasn’t swung his sword all day.

Mason:  . . . You didn’t have to get all glossy for me. . . . My daddy did business with Clint Caruth back in the day.  He didn’t have a kind word to say about that man.  Can’t be easy to be his daughter.

Cricket:  Might have been easier to be his son.

[Luv, luv, luv the vulnerable looks Cricket can pull off.  And the fact that she defends his first physical move toward her with a martial arts combo, yet he still closes in.]

Gigi:  A glass of bourbon and a low-cut top works better than truth serum on that man [Burl].

[Now we are deep in the woods, with Gigi and Amanda seeking the secret stash of the best wood to use when smoking a brisket—from a pecan tree on Pepper Creek—on Cricket’s land.  She has joined them, pointing her rifle their way.]

Cricket:  You’re in my thicket.  In the middle of the night.  I’m curious.  Why?

Amanda:  . . . And “ladies just don’t do that” isn’t the answer I want to give her [my daughter].  You have a daughter too.  Don’t you want her to grow up in a world where she can do whatever she wants?

Cricket [in a pensive moment, studying the pecan tree]:  Daddy Bo always did love this pecan tree.  [Which she blasts with one shot of her rifle, a huge branch falling to the ground by Gigi and Amanda.]

Carlene:  Just creating a little shortage.  If Amanda can’t get her hands on any prime Wangus, well . . .

Ripp:  Smart thinking, tenderloin. . . .

Carlene:  Three to one?  You voted against me?

Danny:  Hey, you.  Small world.

Heather:  A small world.  Nice try. Amanda said you found some brisket and you wouldn’t hand it over unless I came to pick it up.  [Gotta admire the confidence, imagination and spunk of this guy.]  Well, here I am, Danny. Where’s your Wangus? . . Guys resent women who make more money than they do.

Danny:  . . . We’re in an economic downturn right now.  And this is Texas.  People will stop buying houses before they give up their meat.  . . . Well, I’m sorry you dated a bunch of idiots before.  But all it takes is meeting one good guy.  Maybe that’s me. . . . ‘Cause girls who play with fire are hot.

[There are SO many great scenes in this one episode, but here, when Carlene makes entry into Gigi’s house via the doggie door has to be the best!  Then Tony and Roma corner Carlene in the pantry, so she overhears Amanda’s honest and emotional conversation with her Mother.  They are of course surprised when Carlene joins them in a hug.  Ha!]
Amanda:  I didn't just do this for her, Mama, I did it for me. . . . But what kind of example is that to set for Laura?  To let some man think for me, or take away my voice, or treat me like nothing more than some lap dog or some cute little kitten.
Gigi:  You are so much more than that.  Shh, shh, shh, shh.  Precious girl.
Amanda:  Carlene?
 

[Pan to the BBQ site and our first glimpse of the gals is awesome—walking through the brisket smoke, all in jeans, not the norm in this show.  And their shirts?  Read “Spicy Racks.”  The background music, “there’s a little bit of devil in her angel eyes” hits the spot.]

Amanda [with a snap of her fingers to her all-ladies BBQ team]:  Racks, let’s roll.

Heather:  His name is Danny, he is not rich, he doesn’t belong to the country club, he’s a butcher.  And if anyone has anything to say about it, I will take your internal temperature with this meat probe.

Cricket:  Don’t get me started on rich men.  They think they can get anything they want based on the size of their . . . wallet.

Carlene:  Money doesn’t matter.  Especially if you don’t get to choose what to do with it.

Amanda: And it’s no guarantee of happiness . . .

Gigi: Truth be, I’d rather have the man than the money.

[Here comes the wonderful scene with the drunk guy hitting on the girls.  Zach steps in.  Fists connect.  Zach goes down.  Sharon decks the drunk; he falls to the ground.  I love how this show plays with stereotypes and flip-flops them.  Touching scene between Sharon and Zach, with his new black eye.]

Sharon [to Zach]: We knocked that fool out together, as a team, because that’s what we do.  You are my hero. . . .

Richard Dillard:  To donate one of your cars today was a class act.  Sticking up for your little lady, even classier.

[Spicy Racks wins the BBQ competition!]

Cricket [with an arm pump]:  Take that, Daddy Bo!  [Still competing with her daddy, even though he's dead.]

Carlene: I’ve always supported you, Ripp.  How could you not support me? . . .

Ripp:  Kitten, the condos are staying in Mexico.

Carlene:  Why?

Ripp:  The Lord told me.

Carlene:  He spoke to you?  Like Daniel?  And Isaiah? . . . What did His voice sound like?  A cross between Billy Graham and Kris Kristofferson?

[Another great scene.  Cricket returns to her office to find Mason has settled in.  Sitting in her chair.  Feet on her desk.  Which she shoves aside to write him a check for stud fees.  He just stands, revolves—tightly—around her.]

Cricket:  Mr. Massey, I’m a married woman.

Mason:  Well, you don’t act like one.  You’ve never even mentioned your husband’s name.  And I never ever hear you say “we” when talking about your personal life.  In my experience, these are not exactly the signs of a healthy marriage.

Cricket:  My marriage works just fine.

Mason:  But is it everything you want it to be? [pause]  Look, I’m single.  And I’m discreet.

[The kiss that unhinges Cricket is priceless!]

Gigi [to Amanda]:  Well, I couldn’t be more proud.  And that hideous thing [the BBQ trophy] comes down first thing in the morning.

Luke [talking to Amanda by phone]:  Did anyone ever tell you you’re kinda sexy when you grovel?

~ ~ ~

I love these people.  I love watching them smile at each other, share respect among themselves and speak their truth. 

One more (final) episode to dissect for fave quotes.  So sad . . .

Denise Barker, author + freelance copy editor + blogger

Good Ole Boys, a love story at http://amzn.to/GoodOleBoys

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GCB Quotes from Episode Eight, “Pride Comes Before the Fall”

There have been very few outfits--like three that I can remember--which I did not like at all during the course of the full (and final, sob) Season One.  But the rest of the clothing choices for the gals were just perfect.

I am SO gonna miss this show.  Kim, thanks for the good times.

Now for the great quotes from this episode:

~ ~ ~

Heather:  I’m not a playwright; I’m a playwrote. . . .   You know how many eating disorders you left in your [head cheerleader] wake? . . . I love you but, as a leader, you were a manipulative tyrant.

Amanda:  . . . My way to publicly wipe my karma slate clean.

Heather: Write a check.  It’s so much easier.

Carlene:  Oh, silly Cricket.  You know I don’t audition.  I’m always just given the lead.  It’s tradition.

Cricket:  . . . Just like death and taxes. . . . Nothing could ever change how I feel about you.

[The “Let It Shine” scene with Cricket and Carlene dueling for the role of Holy Spirit is wonderful to hear and watch.  Two over-the-top and funny touches is Bozeman’s yawn from his seat in the audience and Carlene’s pop gun filled with confetti.  Too cute!]

Cricket (to Blake):  I will not play a supporting role to that squeaky little housewife [Carlene].

[Love the “Texas Excess” TV shopping channel!  What a hoot!]

Gigi (as image consultant to Sharon):  That outfit you’ve got on, looks like Tinkerbelle threw up on it.

Pastor Steve [to Pastor Tudor, Heather and Amanda]:  But, hey, less is more . . . sometimes.

Heather [to Amanda]:  You’re looking at your clean-slate-karma-coming-out party.

Cricket (to Amanda):  [niceties, then] Damn it, what do you want?  . . . Since I have been up, I have fired my West Coast legal team, bought a small mining village in Ghana, and rehired my West Coast legal team.  Do you really think I have time for a silly play?

Amanda:  . . . I am not a dream crusher.  I am a dream maker.

[If you want to be ROTFL, take in this whole scene with Gigi, in wide-eyed horror, watching Sharon as she previews her Texas Excess selling pitch for Losing It With Jesus.  HILARIOUS!  Sharon’s just great.  Her lower-octave voice comes out like a man’s.  Ha!  Those awkward hand moves of hers are crack-you-up funny!  Watch and laugh.]

Gigi:  Never say y’all.

Sharon:  Never?

Gigi:  . . . Losing twelve pounds is a stomach virus.  Losing sixty . . . is sexy.

[The musical rehearsals are fun.  Who knew Blake was so muscular all over, and can sing and dance?]

Pastor Tudor [to Amanda]:  My mom’s the biggest Fanilow there is.  Took me to every concert in the Southwest.

Carlene:  . . . . Burned her thumbs, poor thing [Carmelita].  But happy to do it for one of the Holy Trinity.

[Carlene is so great in her Holy Spirit costume, bouncing along with her wings.  Just really great acting.  Fully engaged.]

Carlene:  You cut me from the cheer squad because I had bad skin; now you’re making me play the leper?

Amanda:  Oh.  Oh, how did I miss the symmetry of that?

[I love, love, love Carlene’s hot-pink-and-black dress topped off by the black hat, complete with black netting and hot-pink flowers.  Beautiful!]

Technician:  This is specially calibrated to your body weight.  You can’t gain an ounce before opening night.

Cricket:  I’m on Day Four of an ice-cube-and-bamboo cleanse.  Not a problem.

[Sharon on Texas Excess is so great, in an awful sort of way.  Watch and enjoy.]

Gigi:  Go to your talking points, the Middle Eastern origin of your diet, why the pomegranate may have been the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden and the antioxidant power of manna.

Sharon:  That’s an awful lot to remember

Cricket:  I’m not surprised.  Poor Heather, always handing out her muffin to anyone with butter.

Amanda:  . . . but you people have brought your own crazy to the party.

Pastor Tudor:  Not if it’s the way you feel. . . . Clearly you hurt people, Amanda, and that hurts you.  Deeply. . . . Destroyed?  I’m afraid those three [Cricket, Carlene and Heather] are tough enough to survive the apocalypse.  . . . You can’t control when someone forgives you.  You can only forgive yourself.  Be patient and hope they come around.  Old wounds are hard to heal.

Gigi [to Sharon]: Your best quality is something that I could never give you. Your heart.  You just go out there and you be yourself.

Carlene:  The Neiman’s secret warehouse sale is by invite only.

[Watch the trio when startled, come to their own defense:  Heather pulls out her pepper spray, Cricket strikes a tae kwon do pose, and Carlene puts a whistle on her key chain in her mouth.]

Carlene:  We’ve been hoodwinked.

Cricket:  By a delusional woman who thinks she can still fit into her old cheerleader uniform.

Amanda:  Um, excuse me.  I totally can, but that’s beside the point.

[The mud fight between the girls, Amanda, Carlene, Cricket and Heather, is truly rejuvenating.  Emotionally. WONDERFUL music clip here.]

Amanda:  . . . An eye for an eye.

Carlene:  Not our testament.  We turn the other cheek.

Amanda:  [taunting Carlene]

[Mud fight ensues.]

Cricket:  . . . I never liked this dress. . . .  [Makes up with Carlene.]  Don’t you make me cry in this parking lot.

Heather:  [standing up for herself with Carlene, and yet making up, about to get a hug from muddy Carlene.]  No.  You’re gross.

Carlene:  . . . I have Wet Ones.

Heather:  I think I’m gonna call a cab.

Ripp [to the four ladies, freshly cleaned up from their recent mud fight]:  You will behave like decent, honorable Christian women. Got it?  . . . Verbal confirmation is necessary.

[The “Jesus is Just Alright” song and dance is great—right up until Carlene pops through a stained-glass window.  But she finishes the song!]

~ ~ ~

Denise Barker, author + freelance copy editor

Good Ole Boys, a love story

A Copyediting Checklist for Novelists

GCB Not Renewed!?! No!

I am one dejected Dallas Christian, saddened by this report, which seems to have validation by several different sites online.

I will miss all the characters.  Each one.  They were becoming more and more human and we were bonding . . . sigh.

If making fun was such a bad thing, why has SNL survived for thirty-seven seasons? 

For now, I can console my grief by watching the remaining episodes up on Hulu, while I await the release of the DVD.

That's something, right?

Still . . .


Denise Barker, author + freelance copy editor
Good Ole Boys, a love story
A Copyediting Checklist for Novelists

GCB Quotes from Episode Seven, “Sex is Divine”

As if you can’t tell already how enamored I am with this TV series on ABC, based on Kim Gatlin’s book, let me point out the perfection of the title--diamonds and gold, with the C shaped like a horseshoe.  I love the white hat, the white dress, both denoting purity, with all the bling that connotes Dallas wealth.

The theme song and the music tracks are wonderfully apropos.  Truly well matched.

Now for my favorite lines from Episode Seven:

* * *

Drunk:  Twin Peaks is giving us attitude.

Amanda [yanking down the big drunk]:  Her name is Sapphire.  What she’ll give you is your check.  Good night.

Drunk:  You ain’t getting no tip.

Amanda:  Oh, honey.  Your butt headed out the door is gratuity enough.

Ripp:  Way to take ‘em down, Amanda.

Amanda:  Well, every now and then, you gotta bust some balls. . . .

Pastor Tudor:  . . . Jesus threw out thieves and robbers.  Sometimes you gotta cleanse the temple.

Ripp:  If you’ll excuse me.  I gotta see a man about a horse.

Amanda:  Well, you know where it is.

Ripp:  No, I mean, I gotta talk to Bubba Richardson about buying his horse.

[Luke with Amanda on his couch, kissing.]

Carlene:  Hey, hey, hey.  I’ve been noticing how dark it is down here in the guest house and I’ve been meaning to bring this lamp so you can have more light for reading and . . . well-lit activities.

Luke:  Sis, got company.

Carlene:  I know that, silly.  My security cameras don’t miss a thing.  Got to watch out for unwelcome intruders.  Barn door’s open.

Amanda:  Okay, to be continued.  Carlene, as always.

Carlene:  Oh, was I . . . did y’all . . . ?

Blake [during interview of potential surrogate mother]:  We are not infertile.

Cricket:  I am just not in a position to give up alcohol, sushi or grabbing Stimulus Dollars for nine months.  You’ve got to be on your toes for that one. . . .

Blake:  We might have to go outside Texas.

Cricket:  No.  We agreed we would not lower our standards.

[This scene with Sharon and Zach in the kitchen is so cute.  Sharon’s lost weight and can’t get his attention to look at her no matter what she does.]

Zach:  Did you know that Blake only eats egg whites ever?

Sharon:  Oh poor Cricket.  All those yolks gone to waste. . . .  Zach Peacham, you notice my jeans right now. . . . I haven’t been able to fit into these bad girls for five years. And I owe it all to the Holy Word.  . . . Fish, lemon grilled.  Only breakfast food mentioned in the scriptures.  . . . This book, Foods of the Bible.  The Holy Land was filled with high fiber and low carb, but you have to be careful of New Testament entrees.  They break a lot of bread. . . .

Zach:  What did they eat for dessert?

Amanda:  Nothing good.  So what I’ve done is I’ve put a sweet Bible verse in each basket.  Gen. 9:3.  Every moving thing that liveth shall be food for you.

Amanda:  Hey, I worked Boobylicious after the Texas-OU game.  Nothing scares me.

Pastor Tudor:  I served eighteen months in Iraq.  Some of the ladies around here do.  [In walks in Sharon, Cricket and Carlene.]

Carlene:  Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.  I just keep walking in on you in the most unnatural situations.

Cricket:  Getting pregnant would be part of the [unwed mothers’] program.

Amanda:  That makes no sense, Cricket.

Cricket:  It makes sense to Blake and me and we’re writing the check.

Amanda:  Carlene, you know how many laws you’d be breaking selling apartments only to Christians?

Carlene:  Not in Mexico.  Stay in your lane, sweetie.

Pastor Tudor [his sermon for the adults-only congregation]: . . . This message is adults only. . . .  Sex . . . is . . . divine.  . . . Sex is a gift from God.  He created it to strengthen the union between two people who love each other.  To increase their intimacy.  Improve their communication.  . . . Are we making the best use of God’s gift?  . . . For all you committed couples out there.  Everyone here is an adult.  You can determine if this exercise is for you.  Here’s my assignment.  From today ‘til next Sunday, I’m challenging you all to have sex with your partner once a day, every single day.  Touch each other.  Look into each other’s eyes, souls.  Truly share one another and let’s see what happens.  [And can I have an Amen here!]

Luke [to Amanda]:  Slow down there, land speed.

Blake:  I realized there is only one woman that’s good enough to carry our progeny.

Cricket:  Taylor Swift is not from Texas.

Blake:  . . . Why outsource when we can go in-house?

Laura Vaughn:  I don’t know why everybody’s weirding out.  Who cares how many times married people do it?

Landry Cockburn:  Well, is it just old people?

Burl:  You don’t think the leather floors are too much?

Gigi:  For a man with stingray hide on the walls of his yacht?

Burl:  Heather’s right.  When you find what you want, you have got to jump.  [on his knee now]

Gigi:  Jumping’s the other way.  You’ve dropped down.

Burl:  Marry me, Gigi.

Zach [to Sharon in bed]:  Well, uh, sometimes when, when things are slow at work, I . . . watch movies that are . . . kinda dull.  Things have been really slow lately.

[This next scene with Blake and Cricket in the bedroom about to make their own baby, with the lyrics “Hey, babe, what you say?  Let’s go down and roll in the hay” singing in the background is funny! Like a couple on a first date, instead of married for years.  Role reversal in play.  Great communication.  Lots of giggling from both parties.]

Cricket:  You know, this sports metaphor is kinda doing it for me.  You want to kick off or should I?

Blake:  . . . There ain’t going to be any dancing in the end zone tonight.

Amanda:  Burl proposed?  What did you say?

Gigi:  I said get up off your knee before you hurt yourself.   Then I said I’d have to think about it.  [Hands Amanda an alcoholic drink.]

Amanda [setting aside the alcohol with a frown]:  Oh, Mama.  Burl is crazy about you.  And you are crazy about him. Why didn’t you just say yes?

Gigi:  I have been not married as long as I was married.  I like not married just fine.  I’m not going to rush into anything again just because some man hands me something sparkly.

Amanda:  Okay.  Well, maybe it is a little fast.  But you two both love each other.  Why do you have to beat around the bush?

Gigi:  I just don’t like feeling pressured to make big decisions.  I don’t even buy a car without a test drive.  Especially a stick shift.

Amanda:  Mother!

Gigi:  What?  It’s an important part of any relationship.  I’m just taking my cues from the pastor.  You can thank him tomorrow for inspiring me.

[Watch Zach and Sharon’s facial expressions during this scene.]

Zach:  Do you think I’m fat?  . . . It’s weird.  I keep wanting to talk after sex.  It’s like I’m turning into a . . . woman.

Sharon:  No.  It’s beautiful.

Zach:  Really?

[Leave it to Carlene . . . ]

Landry:  As a Purity Pioneer, I make a commitment to God [while leering at Amanda’s breasts], to myself, to my family, to my friends . . .

Alexandra:  To my future mate and my future children, to a lifetime of purity [as she gazes lustfully at Bozeman].

Bozeman:  I will refrain from fantasizing, talking about or having sexual intercourse [looking upon smiling Alexandra] from this day on until the day I marry.

McKinney:  Or a thousand years from now, whichever comes first.

Amanda [to Carlene]:  Seriously?  A thousand years?

Carlene:  Science is very advanced these days.  If you believe in that kind of thing.

Amanda:  . . . I don’t hate purity. . . . You’ll have to pretend sex doesn’t exist somewhere else.

[I love this next scene with Sharon and Zach re-enacting parts from a porn movie with Sharon as an archaeologist.  Sharon is one great comedian.  And using Zach’s postcoital openness to ask for an outdoor pizza oven backfires on her here.]

Cricket:  Let’s take these babies and make us some babies.  . . . .[After taking an expensive herbal mixture meant to increase libido, but instead they keep sweating, can’t get comfortable].   . . . If this is what it takes for pandas to hump, no wonder they are almost extinct. . . . . I do NOT feel sexy.

[Gigi in a negligee is “beautiful” like Burl says.]

Gigi:  . . . And never say the word grandkids to a welcoming woman in a negligee. . . .

Burl:  . . . I believe what we could have . . . belongs in a marriage. . . .

Gigi:  And I think you should get up here right now before I change my mind.  What’s the worst thing that could happen?  [Burl collapses and is taken to the hospital in an ambulance.]

Amanda [to Laura]:  I don’t mind abstinence.  It just has to go hand-in-hand with education.  Carlene’s organization isn’t interested in that.

Burl:  I had a glitch in my pacemaker.  The doctors give it a twist or a jolt, or whatever they do, and I’m fine. . . . It’s a pity yes. . . . Just the other day it was:  I need more time.  You know when I say that, Gigi? During business negotiations, when I have respect for my opponent but not the deal.  Means no. . . . .  You’re here worried about my heart and you don’t even know your own.  The proposal’s off the table.

Gigi:  . . . But there’s only one me.

Amanda:  Let me get this straight.  You are trying to scare our children into being celibate? . . .  Carlene, all you’re doing here is demonizing sex.  Making it out to be something horrible.  And dirty.  Why can’t we just be honest with them about how to prevent these things?

Carlene:  Oh, Amanda, sweet Amanda.  This is America.  Fear works better.

[Excellent church scene where Amanda and Carlene discuss their kids making out and Carlene confesses her sins.]

Amanda:  I’m so sick of you saying I’m a fallen woman.  Do you want to know what?  I’ve only had sex with one man, my husband, Bill.

Carlene: . . . I guess I misjudged you.  Maybe it’s the way you dress.

Burl:  You think I go running around willy-nilly asking women to marry me?  Hmm?  It’s not something I take lightly. . . .

Gigi:  I love ya. . . . So here’s how it’s gonna work.  At your discretion, you are going to ask me to marry you, again.  This time I will say yes, without hesitation and not out of pity, because I know a perfect thing when I see it.

Burl:  Fine.  I returned the ring.

Gigi:  Fine.  We’ll go up a carat.  [Both laughing.]  Now how about that hanky-panky?

Burl:  You’re on.

[Oooh, Kristin Chenoweth as Carlene should get an Emmy for her sex talk with Laura Vaughn.  That little bodily movement she added to the tale about the parking lot of the Burger Shack is so . . . vivid!  Of course, Amanda cannot have a sex talk with Landry Cockburn without a shotgun in hand seated among other firearms in her father’s gun room, right? This IS Texas.]

[Then what better to follow than . . . ]

Blake [to Cricket in bed]:   I . . . am . . . Spartacus.

Zach:  . . . And the raisin loaf is actually a satisfying dessert.

Sharon:  It’s what Abigail gave to David to appease his anger.

Luke [meeting Amanda at the Ritz]:  We can wait as long as you want.  Look, if all we do tonight is wear those comfy robes, order room service and watch pay-per-view, it’s fine with me.  You’re worth the wait.

* * *

I’ll be posting soon more great one-liners from the remaining GCB Season One episodes.

Denise Barker

Author of Good Ole Boys, a love story
Freelance Copy Editor
Blogger

Re: GCB - Do You See the Calligraphy on the Wall?

I'm worried.

The season finale is airing this Sunday.  How long do I have to survive without GCB?

Plus what is Ripp up to?  Ever since the Ball where he introduced himself to Amanda, said he knew Bill, that cautionary red flag in my mind has been waving.  Soon afterward, it's been popping and snapping in a gale-force wind.

Remember Carlene stealing Amanda's computer?  Remember the accountant looking over Amanda's finances?  Remember the pinata stuffed with Amanda's "secrets" at the church singles group that Ripp and Carlene read?

And most recently, we found out last episode--as Ripp, Luke and Burl all outvoted Carlene's U.S.-based Christian Condo project--that they are all in "it"!

That's gonna mess up three couples!  Ripp and Carlene, because I figure Carlene has no idea Ripp's gone over to the dark side.  I get this feeling that Ripp's secret is he was a big, scheming, full-Ponzi partner with Bill.  If Burl and Luke are involved in the original thievery, that's just horrible.  And will break Gigi's and Amanda's hearts. (Mine, too.)

BUT . . . the way Ripp skedaddled away as Burl approached Carlene at Gigi's "Dress Like Your Favorite Texan" welcome home party for Burl (and Bitsy), I'm thinking Burl is there to fix the mess Ripp has gotten himself into.  And Luke is added manpower to watch that "she" who is in Juarez.  Whoever that is.

Is it Bill's lover--Amanda's now former best friend?  Did she survive the car accident and the fire?  Living off the money in Bill's vehicle while she looks for the rest?

And I'm loving seeing Cricket nicely unglued by a man--Mason Massey.  Another thing that'll probably be cut short as we await Season Two.

Although I'm convinced Blake and Cricket love each other very deeply, it is just sad to see a married woman doing without sex.  Even the Bible says that married couples shouldn't deny each other; after all, lovemaking both fulfills their marital duties to each other as well as aids in avoiding temptation outside the marriage bed.  Also spouses are further instructed that sex should only be postponed for prayer.  Amen.  See I Corinthians 7:4-5.

That concludes today's scripture lesson.

Oh, and did you also connect the homophone of "Lord" with "Lourd"? As in Ripp telling Carlene the "Lord" spoke to him?  Just saying . . .

Now, please, please, please tell me there will be a Season Two (and many more) of GCB!

More GCB Quotes from Episode Six, “Turn the Other Cheek”

This episode centers around Carlene and Ripp’s annual vow renewal to celebrate this year as they reach seventeen years of marriage.  Of course, it is over-the-top with the Gone with the Wind theme.  But at the end, when Carlene joins Ripp, standing in a very Rhett Butler-like pose at the altar, and share an intimate look, you can feel the depth of the true love they have for each other. 

We truly have some talented singers in this crew:  Kristin Chenoweth and Mariam Shor.

In this show, we see the vindictive side of Sharon as she takes her revenge on Amanda all because Carlene revoked Sharon’s matron of honor title.  Sharon “fails” to tell Amanda a few things.

The whole progression of Heather trying to win back her relationship with Carlene, Sharon and Cricket highlights the degree of dysfunctionality this group embraces.  Yet, I can understand how she would want them back.  Like the scene with her and Cricket in the woods, sharing an honest moment.

You have to watch Carlene after she’s shot.  The whole event is played to the hilt.  I especially like it when she fainted and pink feathers flutter up as she hits the floor.  What can I say?  I like the physical comedy stuff.

Gigi has some very illuminating facial expressions—able to tell a story with one look.  She’s so gifted.

Anyway, here’s a couple goodies that were not in my original post on this sixth episode.

* * *

Cricket (to Heather, trying to get back in the group):  Talk is cheap, darling.  You can't just tell me you love me.  You're going to have to show me.

Amanda:  How do I know what the perfect song is [as they exchange renewal vows]?  I’m not inside Carlene’s head, thank goodness.

Luke:  How about Like a Virgin?  I Want Your Sex? . . . Come on.  You’re in the home stretch here, just push it over the finish line.

Amanda:  Sharon did do most of the heavy lifting.

Carlene:  Really, Heather?  I didn’t know you could major in medicine at real estate school.

Luke:  You want to see the Wailing Wall?  Don’t go to Jerusalem.  Just head on upstairs to the master suite.

Cricket (to Blake):  I am only afraid to have children without you.

More GCB Quotes from Episode Five, “Forbidden Fruit"

This episode is full of wonderfully written and acted parts.  The opener with Luke Lourde (played by Eric Winter) is a unique "meet cute."  Eric Winter is golden in my book.  All the scenes with Bozeman in it are hilarious.  When he joins in with his daddy to encourage Sharon to stay home and cook, it feels so real.  Especially with all the sibling scowling going on.  Bozeman working his charm on Cricket is amazingly honest from both parties.  The outdoor necking scene between Burl and Gigi—priceless.  I felt sorry for Pastor Tudor as Sharon smothered him and yet snickered when she talked too much about private church matters and laughed too loud at his jokes.

Carlene continues to play the wicked witch and yet somehow pulls it off while we still like her.  Well, part of her.

This one expires on Hulu.com in another four days, so I have to watch it over and over before it goes away.   

Here’s some great lines I missed in my first post on this episode.

* * *

Carlene:  Bravo, Heather.  Making all that commission from your relationship with your sweet, adorable Andrew.  You’re just a busy little beaver.

Sharon (calling Pastor on the phone):  Pastor Tudorrrrr (emphasis), Shar-or-ron (phonetically).  Great news.  My son, Bozeman, is home.  Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to be with you tonight. . . . Well, praise the Lord right back atchya!

Zack (to Bozeman):  But you need to respect our rules.  And the female population.

GCB Quotes from Episode Six, "Turn the Other Cheek"

If you are as addicted to this show as I am, you've noticed some things.  First, Dallas women wear more than one necklace and multiple bracelets.  Second, they are always "dressed" including makeup and earrings and heels.  Third, Sharon is the eternal little girl, no matter how grown-up she may be in years.  Fourth, Cricket is the career-driven overachiever with her feminine side totally locked down, while her husband is the emotional one with maternal instincts.

And it all works!

Here are more golden nuggets from this latest episode of GCB [BEWARE:  There is some "language" in this episode]:

* * *

Ripp (to Carlene):  God forgives you, kitten.  We’re all sinners.

Carlene (about Amanda and Luke):  Just look at them.  She drives men to drive off cliffs and he has terrible taste in women.  Who am I to say they aren’t meant for each other?

Ripp (to Carlene):  You get so full of love around vow-renewal time.

Sharon:  . . . can handle the massive responsibilities that come with matron of honorship.

Pastor:  Don’t you just walk down an aisle?

Sharon:  Oh, Lord have mercy, no.  I have planned this thing to perfection.  From the Twelve Oaks picnic . . . to the Burning of Atlanta barbecue reception.

Pastor Tudor:  I’m getting kinda nervous.

Sharon:  All you have to do is read the vows.  I’ll provide your horse and the Confederate uniform.

[I love the scene where Blake talks to Cricket about having another baby in what looks like an informal den area.  Come to find out, it’s their plane!]

Cricket:  I just got off the plane from El Paso.  I require liquor.

Carlene:  Anything wrong?  You look like someone licked the red off your candy.

. . .

Sharon:  Look at my parasol.  It twirls. . . . What did Blake do?

Cricket:  Out of the blue, he tells me he wants another baby. . . . Sharing and caring time is over.

Carlene:  Sharon, I appreciate you leaping to my defense, but I’ve already forgiven Heather for her shocking lapse of judgment.

Cricket:  You should never chose a man over your dear, dear friends.  Especially the kind you date that just come and go.

Amanda:  Hey, listen.  Since you and I seem to be on the verge of hitting it off . . .

Luke:  Well, I think we’re on the verge of hitting it out of the park.

Amanda:  . . . Exactly how close are you and Carlene?

Luke:  . . . I never understand her, but I adore her.

Amanda:  You understand? [why she turned down a date with him to Carlene’s annual vow renewal.]

Luke:  Not really.  But, hey, if you change your mind, I’ll just be right across the street.

Amanda:  How much did you hear?

Gigi:  Well, I must have heard wrong, because you couldn’t have possibly sent away a good man just because you are scared of some blond nitwit in twenty-inch heels. . . . Luke is a doll. Set aside your differences with Carlene . . . Don’t be a chicken.  Cross the road.

Carlene:  Amanda.  I’m sure you’re not here to see me.  (Yelling:) Luke!

Luke:  I’m gonna freak Carlene out and come as Abraham Lincoln.

Amanda:  But he wasn’t in Gone with the Wind.

Luke:  I like breaking the rules.

Amanda:  Me too.  And in the spirit of that, I’ve changed my mind.  I’d love to be your date on Saturday night.

Carlene:  Absolutely not.  You have to stand up with me [at Carlene’s seventeenth annual vow renewal].  You’ll be my only family in attendance.  Aunt Bitsy’s dead.  Uncle Burl’s in unincorporated Juarez.  And Mama and Daddy have a bridge game.

Cricket:  A lady hates when a man upsets her plan.  Today’s sophisticated and dynamic woman decides and accepts what her life is going to be.  It’s not fair for someone to just walk in there and rip it to hell just because he has a penis.

Amanda:  On second thought, I may sit this one out.  You just call me when the circus leaves town.

Luke:  I have been to sixteen of these monkey scratches. . . . You make your choices.  I make mine.

Sharon (to Amanda):  Chapter 17 in the Matron of Honor Manual.  Avoiding a buffet of death.

Amanda:  Hosting in Dallas is very different than California.

Gigi:  I’m sure.  Here we’re known for our manners.

Amanda:  Look at Carlene . . . almost human.

Gigi:  You know, darling, have you ever considered that she’s actually capable of a generous gesture where you are concerned?  That she's really trying to embrace the idea of you and her brother?

Amanda:  No.

Gigi:  Me either.

Carlene:  It’ll be a welcome addition to my collection of sacred statuary.

Amanda:  The White House doesn’t have this much protocol.

Amanda:  I already destroyed the bridal shower with a battery-operated, remote-control marital aid called Jack the Ripper.

Amanda:  . . .this overnight bachelorette . . . like an all-girls’ vacay.

Luke:  How bad can that be?

Cricket’s pilot:  Ladies, remember to stow all your firearms during takeoff and landing.

Sharon:  Oh, heavens. It looks like someone didn’t read all the way through to page 526 in the manual.

Amanda:  Hunting?  Why hunting?

Carlene:  To shoot us up something tasty.  Serve it at the reception.

Cricket:  . . . good exercise.  Why should the men have all the fun killing things?

Amanda:  Seriously, you’re waiting on Cruella de Vil?  [NOTE:  This is how both the song and the character are spelled per YouTube, IMDB, Disney and various lyrics websites.]

Heather:  . . . Besides it ain’t that different from you being Carlene’s Slave of Honor to make Luke happy.

Amanda:  Stones, glass houses.  I get it.

Carlene:  Does this gun make me look fat?

Sharon [sticking a finger through a hole in the vest Amanda is currently wearing]:  Granddaddy Bo’s hunting vest.  Thank God you can live with only one lung.

Sharon:  I can skin a rabbit faster than any woman in Dallas.  It was my talent in the Miss North Texas Pageant.

Sharon (to Amanda):  He’s taken a different date to Carlene’s vow-renewal ceremony sixteen years straight.  Not a single repeat appearance.  And then he dumps every single one of them within two weeks of the ceremony.  . . . But maybe seventeen is your lucky number.

Carlene (to Amanda):  Howdy, hunting partner.  You ready to bond with bullets?

Heather:  Oh, God.  What is this?

Cricket:  Urine of the doe in heat.  My gift to Carlene is the trophy buck of a lifetime.  Poor thing desperately needs a statement piece of taxidermy in her dining room. . . . Spray me with the human scent neutralizer.

[This whole hunting section is hilarious with the girls’ designer hunting gear and all bedecked in their jewels and makeup and manicures!  Oh, and don’t forget Carlene’s camouflaged Bible.]

Amanda:  I‘m not gonna kill anything.

Carlene:  Of course you’re not, sugar.  We can’t be all mighty hunters before the Lord.

Amanda:  . . . Luke and his harem of dates to your vow renewal.  . . . The curse?  You can do better than that. . . .

Carlene:  I will not stand here and be accused of sins I did not commit.  I swear on this hunter’s Bible . . .

Amanda:  Fine.  I’ll leave.  Enjoy yourself.  Don’t get eaten by a bear.

Carlene:  Leave the gun.

Amanda [dropping the gun, which then goes off].

Carlene:  Owww!  I’ve been shot!

Heather:  Come on, Cricket.  A baby would be wonderful.

Cricket:  Fire up your uterus and you have one.  Mine is closed for business.

. . .

Cricket:  If you have to cry, put this deer caller in your mouth.

Heather:  . . . Alexandra’s a shining example of Dallas womanhood. . . .Blake fills in the gaps for you and you for him.  That’s what makes y’all such a great team.  I’d give anything to have that.  . . . [Cricket won’t kill the deer] Don’t tell me you’re not maternal.

Doctor:  If Job had taken two of these, he wouldn’t have suffered.

Cricket:  Carlene will never be able to wear her pink Chanel romper again [because of the gunshot wound now in her left buttock].

Carlene (to Luke):  You mean our original marriage license, the binding contract, that defines and defends marriage, you lost it?

Luke:  [nods]

Carlene:  So, Ripp and I aren’t really married? [faints away]

Luke:  Technically it was nineteen.  Three bailed in route to Dallas and I found replacements in the airport bar. . . . I’m feeling really good about my twentieth.  She seems like a keeper.  . . . I dated around . . . I’m not that guy anymore.

Amanda:  It seems like kind of a big change to make in a year. . . . I don’t want to be hurt by a player.

Ripp (to Carlene):  The marriage license is just a sheet of paper.  It doesn’t mean we’re not married in the eyes of the Lord.

Carlene (on pain medicine, slurs her speech):  I’m very stoned.  I can get still stoner by the end of the day. . . . [Amanda’s] a pale-faced, Minnie-Mouthed ninny.  And I hate her. . . . There is no ceremony.  There’s nothing to renew.

Gigi:  Now, darling.  You are not the first person to think about shooting Carlene Cockburn.  You’re just the first person to do it.

Amanda:  Mama, I’m not in the mood today.

Gigi:  Am I to believe all this sulking is over the loss of that “friendship”?  Or is there something else going on here?

Amanda:  Luke and I had a fight.

Gigi:  That’s perfectly normal for a new couple.  Just make sure you settle it the Dallas way.  He begs for forgiveness--you get jewelry.

Amanda:  . . . Man, did I step into it. . . He’s gone.

Gigi:  Oh, please, you’re too fantastic to leave for long. . . .

Amanda:  How do you apologize for shooting someone?

Gigi:  That is an etiquette conundrum that you will not find in Emily Post.  I know--I have Dick Cheney’s number someplace.

Cricket:  Blake, the world as we know it may be over.  Carlene’s marriage might not be legal.

Blake (laughing with Cricket):  How’s she taking it?

Cricket:  Like Scarlet after Rhett bailed.

Cricket (to Blake):  As you know, I am keenly aware of my lack of maternal instinct. . . . Sad, barren Heather showed me light.  Just before I was about to take down a deer.  I am not afraid to have children with you. . . . You are my trophy buck of a lifetime.  You know that?

Carlene:  What are those?

Amanda:  Apology hydrangeas?  My mother thought they’d be appropriate for some reason.  Cheney was no help.

Carlene:  Do you have any idea what it's like knowing your whole marriage is a lie?

Amanda:  Actually, yeah.  I do.

Carlene:  Ooh, the top tier to my wedding cake.  Ripp and I were going to feed it to each other—naked—on our twentieth anniversary.  Feed it to the poor!

Amanda (finding original marriage license):  Holy matrimony!

Amanda (to Angus Horvath, county clerk employee):  I need a teeny, tiny favor.  See, there was a terrible miscarriage of justice seventeen years ago.  Only you can make things right.  I need you to file this marriage license retroactively. . . .

Angus:  All right.  Show me your tatas.

Amanda:  What?

Angus:  Your boobies.

Cricket:  This is ridiculous.  Grown women do not wear bows.

Carlene:  They do when it’s my blessed day.

Heather:  Thank you.

Cricket:  Don’t mention it.  Ever.

Sharon:  We’ve been best friends forever and to have you pass me up, year after year [for the last sixteen years], as your matron of honor, starts to make a girl feel like she’s not good enough.

Carlene:  . . . I may sparkle, honey, but you shine.

Sharon:  . . . I may still have my Melanie Wilkes’s hoop skirt in the car.

[Love the closing shot of this scene that pans over to Cricket and Heather, both drinking, but look again.  Heather had TWO glasses, one in each hand.  Ha!]

Carlene:  I guess I owe you a thank-you for saving the day, and my marriage.  Even if it was sorta your fault in the first place.

Luke:  Don’t thank me.  Amanda’s the one who showed her breasts to a vindictive troll on your behalf.

Carlene:  That’s truly a sin.  At least you were using your boobies for good and not for evil.  This time.

Carlene:  Oh heavens no.  Don’t be silly.  You’re wearing jeans.

Luke:  It’s just a vow renewal.

Carlene:  It’ll ruin the whole theme.

Amanda:  Maybe we could look beyond who we used to be and just focus on who we are now.

Luke:  You know why I call you ladybug?  Because they eat other bugs for lunch.  I know who you are, Amanda Vaughn.  And I’m quite all right with it. 

[Gone with the Wind theme song playing in background as they kiss, simultaneously while Ripp and Carlene kiss after renewing their vows.]

GCB Quotes from Episode Five, "Forbidden Fruit"

My many thanks to Kim Gatlin for writing such an entertaining dramedy.  Continuing on with the collection of great one-liners (and one-paragraphers and so on), here are my picks from GCB Episode Five entitled "Forbidden Fruit":

Amanda:  You’re driving naked.

Luke:  Well, it’s not against the law.  I had my seat belt on. . . . Clearly I made a big impression.  Look, it’s not a habit.  I just spilled excruciatingly hot coffee in my lap earlier, so I was drying my clothes.  So you’re not my first accident today, but you are the prettiest. . . . I’m amazing.

Sharon [to Pastor Tudor]:  I’m having so much fun learning how to type. . . . I’m up to twelve words a minute.

Ripp:  Nothing quite says Welcome to Texas like a good clean kill shot [at a family-oriented boar hunt]. . . . We’ll smother them [Andrew’s company employees] with Christian fellowship.

Andrew: They’re not all Christians.

Carlene:  Not yet.

Burl [after kissing Gigi at his wife’s funeral]:  Heaven forgive me.

Gigi: Well, I may, but she won’t.  When you join her in Paradise, she’s gonna have your gumballs in her grips for Eternity.

Carlene:  Why are you wearing a choir robe [for Bitsy’s funeral]?

Luke:  Uhm, I lost my pants.

Amanda:  I have your pants.

Carlene:  Wait, just a darn minute.  Why do you have my little brother’s pants?

Luke:  The difference between me and my sister: she’s a judgmental piece of work and I’m just a piece of work.

Gigi:  When Bitsy left this mortal plane, she must have taken your sanity with her. . . . It’s too soon.  Dallas will talk.

Burl:  That’s why I’m taking you to France, darling.  Dallas can’t talk about things they can’t see. . . . Well, I’ve never, ever met a woman who’d turn down a trip to Paris.

Gigi:  Hello, my name is Gigi Stopper.  Nice to meet you.

Burl:  Oh, come on, Gigi. Your husband died eighteen years ago.

Gigi:  And your wife died eighteen seconds ago. . . . Even in second grade when you put the spider in my lunch box, I knew it was because you liked me.  I’m crazy about ya.  Always have been. . . . Come after sundown, under the cloak of darkness.

Cricket:  Sharon has informed us that Pastor Tudor has to drive all the way to the stadium for an intervention.

Pastor:  Sharon, my schedule’s confidential.

Sharon [climbing out from under the table by Pastor Tudor’s legs]:  Don’t worry, Pastor Tudor.  Nobody knows exactly who’s addicted.  It could be anyone on the team.

Cricket [to Carlene]:  Darling, I want you on that stage with me.  Can you play the tambourine?

Luke [carting a dolly full of wine crates]:  Can I come in?

Amanda:  What’s happening from the waist down?

Luke [showing his pants leg]:  I waited until you got home. I’ve been watching your house all morning.

Amanda:  Well, that’s not creepy at all.

Luke:  I’m staying at Carlene’s.

Amanda.  Woo!  I feel so much better now.

Luke:  Sweet.  You’re free tonight.

Amanda:  . . . I should probably think about this.

Luke:  Why?  You totaled my car.  You saw me naked.  I mean I think dinner’s the natural progression of things.  And, hey, there’s a chance that I might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you.  Why miss out on that? . . . I’ll drive.

Carlene:  Amanda.  Sweet, cradle-robbing Amanda.  I have tried, unsuccessfully, to get Luke to explain to me why you have possession of his pants, and Ripp says that it is against the law to waterboard immediate family. . . .

Amanda:  In the words of another very famous witch, “You have no power here.”

Heather [to Andrew]: I need power. I’m trying to survive in Dallas. Power’s the social currency.

Zach [talking about son, Bozeman]:  Can’t blame the boy, Shar-bear.  He’s got lady-killing in his blood....

McKinney:  I for one don’t get it.

Sharon: Well, that’s good, sweetheart.  You’re his sister.

[McKinney and Bozeman sneering at each other.]

Boobylicious hostess:  Ooh.  Where did you find this one?

Amanda:  You wouldn’t believe it.

Luke:  I was naked and she hit me.

Boobylicious hostess: We’ve always wondered what you were into.

Luke:  Wait a second.  Are you the one that humiliated Carlene in church about owning this place?  You almost destroyed my sister’s reputation.

Amanda: That’s me.

Luke:  I love you.

Luke [to Amanda while dancing]:  Remember, I’m amazing. [You be my Louisiana, I’ll be your Mississippi, being sung in the background.  Great song.  Great placement.]

Burl:  I’ve done a lot of things with the lights off, but rarely dinner.  Look, look.  There, a full moon I ordered up for you.  Come on out here.

Gigi:  Put that on.

Burl:  You are crazier than a pet squirrel.

Gigi:  Don’t make fun of me.  If anybody was to see us, it would be very bad.

Carlene [on phone with Cricket while she spies on Gigi’s house]:  . . . I’m getting my night vision rifle scope.

Cricket:  . . . Role playing.  Red riding hood.  I know that game.

Carlene:  . . . Amanda Vaughn’s got her forked tongue down my baby brother’s throat.

Cricket:  . . . . Pull up your big girl panties. . . .

Carlene:  You’re right.  I am head of neighborhood watch.

Gigi:  Well, so much for keeping this a secret.

Burl:  Wouldn’t have happened if we were making out under the Eiffel Tower.

Burl [to Luke]:  My heart’s good right now.  Beating real fast. [He elbows Gigi who elbows him back.]

Gigi:  Don’t you dare judge me, missy (with leaves stuck to the back of her red cloak).  I find your behavior appalling.  You end an evening with a gorgeous man with a handshake? What is wrong with you?

Amanda:  Did we just have terrific evenings with really great guys?  . . . We need to celebrate.

Gigi:  Damn straight.  Why the hell don’t you drink?

Sharon:  This is Zach’s mess and he can clean it up.

Carlene [to Amanda on the phone]: Blackmail isn’t even mentioned in Proverbs 6.  But this isn't even blackmail.

Amanda:  Wow.  I’m not sure Burl should see you looking so fine.  He’s got a heart condition, you know.

Gigi:  It doesn’t hurt to raise a man’s heart rate a little bit.

Amanda:  Some solar panels at his wind farm, they’re not working.

Gigi:  Probably because it’s night. . . .  Has he hurt you already? . . . I can’t go out unescorted with a recent widower.  How would that look?

Amanda:  To make the spinster daughter be the chaperone?  What does that look like?

Gigi:  Love and support. Go get dressed. The invitation said casual.  Which means simple and tasteful.  No diamonds bigger than your head.

Carlene (and Cricket):  Heather.  Cute, in-over-your-head Heather.  We just want you to know that we forgive you for your bizarre reverse decision to ban us from the stage.

Cricket [to Heather]: I mean, how much longer can that voice [of Carlene’s] last?

[Sheryl Crow performing!]

Zach [to Pastor Tudor about Sharon]:  Can you turn her around and head her back home?

Sharon:  Zach!  You thought I was attracted to the pastor?  Ooh, I can’t believe you.  That is just so wrong.  Talk about your HOV lane to hell.  I mean, no one, no one, should ever, ever be attracted to a minister.

Pastor Tudor:  Well, I hope that’s not the case.

Andrew:  Did you try the truffled crab cakes?

Heather:  Do I look like I eat?

Gigi [to Carlene]:  I smell a big ole outhouse rat.

Gigi [to Amanda]:  I know that look in your eye.  The one when you’re happy?  Hadn’t seen that lately.  But I saw it when you were with him. . . . . [Carlene's blackmail scheme] if you dumped the brother she doesn’t want you dating. . . . But, by God, I think we can both have our beefcake and eat it too.

Gigi’s announcement:  There’s a time for rules and manners.  But there’s also a time to be honest and just grab the bull by the horns and do what you want to do, no matter what people might think.  Now, well now is one of those times [and kisses Burl in front of the fundraising crowd at church].

Sharon [to Zach in front of their kids]:  I think it’s time for bed.  [Both kids slink away.]

Amanda:  I know this was a bumpy start.  And we don’t even live in the same city.  But is there a chance we could just try this again?

Luke:  Sure.  Hey, you might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.  Can’t pass that up.

Amanda:  I’m kinda amazing, too.

Luke:  I never settle for anything less.