More GCB Quotes from Episode Three, “Love Is Patient”

I love this show and watch it repeatedly courtesy of Hulu.com.  Therefore, I have a good chance to write down funny lines, or even wise ones, from each airing.

Here’s the batch from the GCB Episode Three called “Love is Patient.”

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Ripp:  I don’t get it.  This [impotency] never happened to me before.  Except for this morning and last night and lunchtime yesterday.

Carlene:  It’s fine, Ripp.  I’m not in the mood anyways.

Ripp:  I know you, Carlene.  If you’re awake, you’re in the mood.  Heck, you’re in the mood if you’re sound asleep.

Ripp (to accountant on phone):  I’m getting tired of waiting.  And you don’t wanna see this oil man blow.

Gigi:  Now listen, Amanda.  I’ve come to terms with your job [at Boobylicious].  I’ve even come to love jalapeno poppers.  But there is no way you’re going to find Mr. Right showing your pretties at Boobylicious....

Amanda: ...Bill hasn’t been dead a year.  There’s a period of respect.

Gigi:  But your husband was a criminal and an adulterer and, down here in Texas, that means you can get back in the saddle just a little sooner.  Jason, Beau, come meet Amanda. ...Jason is in oil.  And Beau is in oil.

Amanda:  What a surprise.

Cricket (to Carlene on the phone): The way you talk, Ripp knocks the nickels out of you every ten minutes.  [This one deserves its own spotlight, but is part of the next one too.]

Cricket (to Carlene on the phone):  Talk fast.  I’m on the reformer....The way you talk, Ripp knocks the nickels out of you every ten minutes....Gotta go, I’ve got to work on my neutral pelvis [with instructor Lance who then proclaims his engagement to be married, which also involves moving to Waco].

Cricket (calling her office, having sent Lance out of the room to get a smoothie for her): Find out where Lance and Kiki (phonetically spelled here) are registered.  Buy them a fabulous wedding gift.  And there’s a chain of fitness centers called Waco Workouts.  Buy them.  Tear them down.  Any calls?

Carlene (to Cricket who has been talking with Sharon about renewing her physical fitness class with a former instructor): You can’t let your physical well-being slip through those cracks.  [Wonderful scene with Carlene pointing a couple times at Cricket’s head.]

Sharon (to Pastor):  Well, after your homily on volunteerism, the ladies [Cricket and Carlene] and I decided to roll on up our sleeves and drive Juan, Valenciano [spelled phonetically here] and Jorge right on down here.

Carlene (with Cricket speaking to Sharon here about her husband, Zach, and Amanda): I give unto you power to tread onto serpents and scorpions.

Cricket:  [stuttering] I don’t remember the exact verse but the Bible is just full of that kind of whoop ass.

Amanda:  Look, Sharon.  I’m not your problem.  Your husband is.  So you need to take it up with him.

. . .

Sharon:  Marriage is a sacred institution and I will not be taken down by a fallen woman.

Waitress:  Booby basket! [Then slides down the fireman’s pole, knocking into Sharon—who indeed was “taken down by a ‘falling’ woman.”  HA!]

Amanda (to her mother and pastor):  Fur for the homeless?

Gigi:  It gets chilly under those overpasses.

Ripp:  ...Name some happy couples [in the Bible.]

Carlene:  Well, there was Mary and Joseph.  Once they worked through that whole Immaculate Conception thing.

[The full scene with the telephone conversation between Sharon and Bethany Mae (spelled phonetically here) at the Texas Chili Council’s culinary hotline is HILARIOUS!  You need to watch it to get the full effect.  Here’s just a portion.]

Sharon:  Should I tell my husband I know he kissed another woman?

Bethany Mae:  Absolutely.

Sharon:  ...But I’m scared.

Bethany Mae:  Woman, you are cooking with one of the hottest chili peppers known to man.  Stop whining and yank that man’s chain.

Amanda (as Heather parks at church for an evening with the singles group):  I thought we were getting mani-pedis.

Heather:  I lied.  You look great.  Get out of the car.

Cricket (to her husband, Blake):  That’s the last time we volunteer to be a happily married couple.  The singles here are creepy.

Blake (to his wife, Cricket):  Carlene has enough tongue for ten rows of teeth and she’s gonna be wagging it [his secret] all over town.

Andrew:  Hey, Amanda.  Does ‘control freak/nitpicker’ have a hyphen?

Ripp interjects:  No.

Carlene (to Cricket):  Well, I asked Victor [at the dojo] to give me your same workout and he tried to touch my tae kwon do.

Cricket:  ...Carlene, stop projecting sin onto others....fix your own marriage.  Leave mine alone.

Blake:  I’m sorry.  You deserve a man who can give you everything.  Not slap you on the wrist for wanting more.

Cricket:  No marriage’s perfect....No man, including my father, ever loved me for who I am.  Except for you.

Carlene:  Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together....

Ripp:  ...It’s not you....It’s Bill Vaughn....[he stole from me]

Carlene:  Are we poor?

Ripp:  No, darling.  We’re still very, very rich.  Just not very, very, very rich.

Gigi:  What the heck is that?

Amanda (with a piñata shaped like a boy/man that she’s filled with slips of paper upon which she wrote all she’d like to say to her deceased cheating husband):  This is Bill.  Sort of.  By smashing it, it’s supposed to set me free from him.

Gigi:  I’ll get my putter. [Coming back with the golf club] I’d like to take a swing at Bill.

Carlene (to Ripp, discussing Amanda and Bill, reading Amanda’s slips in the real piñata that was hers): ...Well, my stars and garters.

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Again, this post contains some of my favorite lines from this episode of GCB.  What was yours?

Words Carry Power

Don't believe me?  Look to Genesis.  God spoke "Let there be light."  (See Gen. 1:3.) Why?  He was alone.  God didn't create mankind until the sixth day.  He is one with His Holy Spirit and with Jesus.  They are called the Triad, yet they are called One.  If "one" in the physical sense, then who was He speaking to when He called forth light?

I believe he was speaking to the raw elements that combine to illuminate the world.

So can we.

As an alternative view, He could have been speaking to His Holy Spirit who then carries out His Word.  As the Bible tell us, the Holy Spirit leads and guides [Rom. 8:14 (Holy Spirit guides us); Luke 12:12 (in that hour, the Holy Spirit will give us the right words)].

There is also a Bible verse that states to decide based upon the statements of two or three witnesses (2 Cor. 13:1).  So within the Church (I'm speaking of the Body of Believers here, not a building), it is proper to find at least two verses to support our stance.  Also we are directed to find peace before going forth (Phil. 4:7).

Therefore, as my witnesses, here are three more verses to support my theory "words carry power."

Matthew 8:15 speaks of dealing, in private, with your brother who has sinned against you.  Not only is this verbalizing your words, but it deals directly with the true source of the problem.  Whether a mean-spirited brother or a miscommunication to be sorted through. 

We all need to remember this approach, instead of talking about our problem with multitudes of people in lieu of the sole individual we should be dealing with in secret.

Matthew 5:23-24 speaks of dealing, again in private, with your brother who YOU have sinned against.  Same procedure as above.

James 5:16 talks of "confessing your sins to one another" and I'll be the person to step up and state that I rarely do that.  First, pride.  Second, lack of trust in others. 

But the other day I did so--with my father, who is one of a very limited few I trust implicitly--and things discussed started turning around within a couple days.  Talk about seeing the power of spoken words in action!

We still need to be selective when we go this route.  As we all know, there are "Christians" who are not Christian in action or word.  Like the popular saying:  Sitting in church doesn't make you a Christian any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car. 

So true.

Besides, we as people look more to the word and deed, whereas God looks at the heart.  I've addressed that in an earlier post about the Why? of our own actions but specifically about our fictional characters.

Remember too that God spoke of calling forth rocks as being His witnesses.  See 1 Sam. 6:18.  Genesis 31:52 ("heap" and "pillar").  Joshua 24:27 ("stone").

So maybe we can confess freely to nature.  But above all, we need to know the power of our words.

It can be as profoundly simple as to stop the negative self-talk.  The Bible cautions us to watch our thoughts (Phil. 4:8, think on these things . . .).  Don't say something to yourself you would not lovingly dish out to your children.

For other great verses on minding our thoughts, visit this wonderful website:  http://www.openbible.info/topics/thoughts_and_the_mind.

The power of our words shows up throughout the Bible.  See Mark 11:23 (speak to the mountain, or in our layman's terms, speak to your problem, out loud), Mark 4:35-40 (Jesus calms the storm on the sea).  Plus there were many healed just by asking Jesus, or touching his robes with enough faith to believe in the power emanating from His body.  See Mark 5:30 where Jesus felt His power leaving Him when someone touched His robe.

Matthew 8:5-13 is the story of healing the Roman Centurian's servant.  I love this one.  First, a Roman leader, a higher-up, worried enough about his servant to find Jesus.  That is a caring boss.  He didn't send a servant to do his bidding on this one, either.  So he's humble, yet responsible.  No power-mad dictator.  Second, he tells Jesus that, like him, Jesus can give the order and the deed will be done.  No need to travel to his house and visit the ill servant.

And, you know what?  It worked.

Now THAT is the power of the spoken word.

But, you may say, Jesus spoke that word.  He had the power.  Maybe you think you don't?

I beg to differ.

And here's my argument:

"And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover," (Mark 16:17-18).

 

"And God said, Let us make man in Our image, after Our likeness:  and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.  So God created man in His own image . . ." (Gen. 1:26-27).

Isn't it funny that watching GCB (a new ABC TV series that pokes fun at Texans and Christians--and I am both) has me studying the Bible more?

God works in mysterious ways . . . and has a sense of humor.  See Psalm 37:13 (ASV): The Lord will laugh at him; For he seeth that his day is coming.