Re: GCB - Do You See the Calligraphy on the Wall?

I'm worried.

The season finale is airing this Sunday.  How long do I have to survive without GCB?

Plus what is Ripp up to?  Ever since the Ball where he introduced himself to Amanda, said he knew Bill, that cautionary red flag in my mind has been waving.  Soon afterward, it's been popping and snapping in a gale-force wind.

Remember Carlene stealing Amanda's computer?  Remember the accountant looking over Amanda's finances?  Remember the pinata stuffed with Amanda's "secrets" at the church singles group that Ripp and Carlene read?

And most recently, we found out last episode--as Ripp, Luke and Burl all outvoted Carlene's U.S.-based Christian Condo project--that they are all in "it"!

That's gonna mess up three couples!  Ripp and Carlene, because I figure Carlene has no idea Ripp's gone over to the dark side.  I get this feeling that Ripp's secret is he was a big, scheming, full-Ponzi partner with Bill.  If Burl and Luke are involved in the original thievery, that's just horrible.  And will break Gigi's and Amanda's hearts. (Mine, too.)

BUT . . . the way Ripp skedaddled away as Burl approached Carlene at Gigi's "Dress Like Your Favorite Texan" welcome home party for Burl (and Bitsy), I'm thinking Burl is there to fix the mess Ripp has gotten himself into.  And Luke is added manpower to watch that "she" who is in Juarez.  Whoever that is.

Is it Bill's lover--Amanda's now former best friend?  Did she survive the car accident and the fire?  Living off the money in Bill's vehicle while she looks for the rest?

And I'm loving seeing Cricket nicely unglued by a man--Mason Massey.  Another thing that'll probably be cut short as we await Season Two.

Although I'm convinced Blake and Cricket love each other very deeply, it is just sad to see a married woman doing without sex.  Even the Bible says that married couples shouldn't deny each other; after all, lovemaking both fulfills their marital duties to each other as well as aids in avoiding temptation outside the marriage bed.  Also spouses are further instructed that sex should only be postponed for prayer.  Amen.  See I Corinthians 7:4-5.

That concludes today's scripture lesson.

Oh, and did you also connect the homophone of "Lord" with "Lourd"? As in Ripp telling Carlene the "Lord" spoke to him?  Just saying . . .

Now, please, please, please tell me there will be a Season Two (and many more) of GCB!

More GCB Quotes from Episode Five, “Forbidden Fruit"

This episode is full of wonderfully written and acted parts.  The opener with Luke Lourde (played by Eric Winter) is a unique "meet cute."  Eric Winter is golden in my book.  All the scenes with Bozeman in it are hilarious.  When he joins in with his daddy to encourage Sharon to stay home and cook, it feels so real.  Especially with all the sibling scowling going on.  Bozeman working his charm on Cricket is amazingly honest from both parties.  The outdoor necking scene between Burl and Gigi—priceless.  I felt sorry for Pastor Tudor as Sharon smothered him and yet snickered when she talked too much about private church matters and laughed too loud at his jokes.

Carlene continues to play the wicked witch and yet somehow pulls it off while we still like her.  Well, part of her.

This one expires on Hulu.com in another four days, so I have to watch it over and over before it goes away.   

Here’s some great lines I missed in my first post on this episode.

* * *

Carlene:  Bravo, Heather.  Making all that commission from your relationship with your sweet, adorable Andrew.  You’re just a busy little beaver.

Sharon (calling Pastor on the phone):  Pastor Tudorrrrr (emphasis), Shar-or-ron (phonetically).  Great news.  My son, Bozeman, is home.  Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to be with you tonight. . . . Well, praise the Lord right back atchya!

Zack (to Bozeman):  But you need to respect our rules.  And the female population.

GCB Quotes from Episode Five, "Forbidden Fruit"

My many thanks to Kim Gatlin for writing such an entertaining dramedy.  Continuing on with the collection of great one-liners (and one-paragraphers and so on), here are my picks from GCB Episode Five entitled "Forbidden Fruit":

Amanda:  You’re driving naked.

Luke:  Well, it’s not against the law.  I had my seat belt on. . . . Clearly I made a big impression.  Look, it’s not a habit.  I just spilled excruciatingly hot coffee in my lap earlier, so I was drying my clothes.  So you’re not my first accident today, but you are the prettiest. . . . I’m amazing.

Sharon [to Pastor Tudor]:  I’m having so much fun learning how to type. . . . I’m up to twelve words a minute.

Ripp:  Nothing quite says Welcome to Texas like a good clean kill shot [at a family-oriented boar hunt]. . . . We’ll smother them [Andrew’s company employees] with Christian fellowship.

Andrew: They’re not all Christians.

Carlene:  Not yet.

Burl [after kissing Gigi at his wife’s funeral]:  Heaven forgive me.

Gigi: Well, I may, but she won’t.  When you join her in Paradise, she’s gonna have your gumballs in her grips for Eternity.

Carlene:  Why are you wearing a choir robe [for Bitsy’s funeral]?

Luke:  Uhm, I lost my pants.

Amanda:  I have your pants.

Carlene:  Wait, just a darn minute.  Why do you have my little brother’s pants?

Luke:  The difference between me and my sister: she’s a judgmental piece of work and I’m just a piece of work.

Gigi:  When Bitsy left this mortal plane, she must have taken your sanity with her. . . . It’s too soon.  Dallas will talk.

Burl:  That’s why I’m taking you to France, darling.  Dallas can’t talk about things they can’t see. . . . Well, I’ve never, ever met a woman who’d turn down a trip to Paris.

Gigi:  Hello, my name is Gigi Stopper.  Nice to meet you.

Burl:  Oh, come on, Gigi. Your husband died eighteen years ago.

Gigi:  And your wife died eighteen seconds ago. . . . Even in second grade when you put the spider in my lunch box, I knew it was because you liked me.  I’m crazy about ya.  Always have been. . . . Come after sundown, under the cloak of darkness.

Cricket:  Sharon has informed us that Pastor Tudor has to drive all the way to the stadium for an intervention.

Pastor:  Sharon, my schedule’s confidential.

Sharon [climbing out from under the table by Pastor Tudor’s legs]:  Don’t worry, Pastor Tudor.  Nobody knows exactly who’s addicted.  It could be anyone on the team.

Cricket [to Carlene]:  Darling, I want you on that stage with me.  Can you play the tambourine?

Luke [carting a dolly full of wine crates]:  Can I come in?

Amanda:  What’s happening from the waist down?

Luke [showing his pants leg]:  I waited until you got home. I’ve been watching your house all morning.

Amanda:  Well, that’s not creepy at all.

Luke:  I’m staying at Carlene’s.

Amanda.  Woo!  I feel so much better now.

Luke:  Sweet.  You’re free tonight.

Amanda:  . . . I should probably think about this.

Luke:  Why?  You totaled my car.  You saw me naked.  I mean I think dinner’s the natural progression of things.  And, hey, there’s a chance that I might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you.  Why miss out on that? . . . I’ll drive.

Carlene:  Amanda.  Sweet, cradle-robbing Amanda.  I have tried, unsuccessfully, to get Luke to explain to me why you have possession of his pants, and Ripp says that it is against the law to waterboard immediate family. . . .

Amanda:  In the words of another very famous witch, “You have no power here.”

Heather [to Andrew]: I need power. I’m trying to survive in Dallas. Power’s the social currency.

Zach [talking about son, Bozeman]:  Can’t blame the boy, Shar-bear.  He’s got lady-killing in his blood....

McKinney:  I for one don’t get it.

Sharon: Well, that’s good, sweetheart.  You’re his sister.

[McKinney and Bozeman sneering at each other.]

Boobylicious hostess:  Ooh.  Where did you find this one?

Amanda:  You wouldn’t believe it.

Luke:  I was naked and she hit me.

Boobylicious hostess: We’ve always wondered what you were into.

Luke:  Wait a second.  Are you the one that humiliated Carlene in church about owning this place?  You almost destroyed my sister’s reputation.

Amanda: That’s me.

Luke:  I love you.

Luke [to Amanda while dancing]:  Remember, I’m amazing. [You be my Louisiana, I’ll be your Mississippi, being sung in the background.  Great song.  Great placement.]

Burl:  I’ve done a lot of things with the lights off, but rarely dinner.  Look, look.  There, a full moon I ordered up for you.  Come on out here.

Gigi:  Put that on.

Burl:  You are crazier than a pet squirrel.

Gigi:  Don’t make fun of me.  If anybody was to see us, it would be very bad.

Carlene [on phone with Cricket while she spies on Gigi’s house]:  . . . I’m getting my night vision rifle scope.

Cricket:  . . . Role playing.  Red riding hood.  I know that game.

Carlene:  . . . Amanda Vaughn’s got her forked tongue down my baby brother’s throat.

Cricket:  . . . . Pull up your big girl panties. . . .

Carlene:  You’re right.  I am head of neighborhood watch.

Gigi:  Well, so much for keeping this a secret.

Burl:  Wouldn’t have happened if we were making out under the Eiffel Tower.

Burl [to Luke]:  My heart’s good right now.  Beating real fast. [He elbows Gigi who elbows him back.]

Gigi:  Don’t you dare judge me, missy (with leaves stuck to the back of her red cloak).  I find your behavior appalling.  You end an evening with a gorgeous man with a handshake? What is wrong with you?

Amanda:  Did we just have terrific evenings with really great guys?  . . . We need to celebrate.

Gigi:  Damn straight.  Why the hell don’t you drink?

Sharon:  This is Zach’s mess and he can clean it up.

Carlene [to Amanda on the phone]: Blackmail isn’t even mentioned in Proverbs 6.  But this isn't even blackmail.

Amanda:  Wow.  I’m not sure Burl should see you looking so fine.  He’s got a heart condition, you know.

Gigi:  It doesn’t hurt to raise a man’s heart rate a little bit.

Amanda:  Some solar panels at his wind farm, they’re not working.

Gigi:  Probably because it’s night. . . .  Has he hurt you already? . . . I can’t go out unescorted with a recent widower.  How would that look?

Amanda:  To make the spinster daughter be the chaperone?  What does that look like?

Gigi:  Love and support. Go get dressed. The invitation said casual.  Which means simple and tasteful.  No diamonds bigger than your head.

Carlene (and Cricket):  Heather.  Cute, in-over-your-head Heather.  We just want you to know that we forgive you for your bizarre reverse decision to ban us from the stage.

Cricket [to Heather]: I mean, how much longer can that voice [of Carlene’s] last?

[Sheryl Crow performing!]

Zach [to Pastor Tudor about Sharon]:  Can you turn her around and head her back home?

Sharon:  Zach!  You thought I was attracted to the pastor?  Ooh, I can’t believe you.  That is just so wrong.  Talk about your HOV lane to hell.  I mean, no one, no one, should ever, ever be attracted to a minister.

Pastor Tudor:  Well, I hope that’s not the case.

Andrew:  Did you try the truffled crab cakes?

Heather:  Do I look like I eat?

Gigi [to Carlene]:  I smell a big ole outhouse rat.

Gigi [to Amanda]:  I know that look in your eye.  The one when you’re happy?  Hadn’t seen that lately.  But I saw it when you were with him. . . . . [Carlene's blackmail scheme] if you dumped the brother she doesn’t want you dating. . . . But, by God, I think we can both have our beefcake and eat it too.

Gigi’s announcement:  There’s a time for rules and manners.  But there’s also a time to be honest and just grab the bull by the horns and do what you want to do, no matter what people might think.  Now, well now is one of those times [and kisses Burl in front of the fundraising crowd at church].

Sharon [to Zach in front of their kids]:  I think it’s time for bed.  [Both kids slink away.]

Amanda:  I know this was a bumpy start.  And we don’t even live in the same city.  But is there a chance we could just try this again?

Luke:  Sure.  Hey, you might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.  Can’t pass that up.

Amanda:  I’m kinda amazing, too.

Luke:  I never settle for anything less.

Additional GCB Quotes from Episode Four, "A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing"

Upon further review, I found a few more cute lines from this episode, as follows:

Zach [to Pastor Tudor]:  You know how hard I work, to sell Lamborghinis in this market?
Sharon [to Pastor Tudor]:  You should try feeding this human garbage disposal for seventeen years.

Amanda:  Why do you need moral support, Mama?  You and Burl are besties.
Gigi:  Well yes.  But Bitsy's just a horse's ass.

Blake:  She always surprises me.  That's why I love her [Cricket].

Sharon [to Zach]:  Stand on up and get your own drink.

GCB Quotes from Episode Four, "A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing"

I wish I could have written this wonderful dramedy that the TV series is based on.  Even better, that I had Kim Gatlin’s sense of humor.  I bet she had lots of fun writing her book.  I'm going to keep that in mind as I write my next one.  Regardless, I can relax and soak up each show. 

I hope you have enjoyed my previous posts gathering quotes from each of the GCB episodes.  Here’s my collection of favorites from Season 1, Episode 4, entitled “A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.”

 * * *

Amanda:  Hi, so sorry I’m late.

Gigi:  This is what you’re wearing?  Slacks?  To church?

Amanda:  Seriously, I think God just wants us to show up.  I don’t think He minds what we wear.

Gigi:  Well, that’s fine.  Unless you mind everybody else thinking you’re a lesbian.

Amanda:  I wore pants because I tripped over a keg in the ladies’ room at Boobylicious and I bruised my shin on a toilet.

Gigi:  What a pretty story. . . .  Open-toed shoes?  Oh my God, no.  We’re going in the side door.

Landry:  Check out the caboose on Laura Vaughn’s mama.

Carlene:  Landry, watch the locker-room language, please.  A bunular display like that is precisely why a lady never wears pants in church.

Gigi:  That is Carlene’s Uncle Burl.  . . . . He’s one of the finest, kindest people you’d ever hope to meet.  His wife, Bitsy, is not.

Burl:  Gigi, come over here and break my neck.

Gigi:  Oh, Burl. Welcome back!  Dallas hasn’t been the same without you.  [pause]  You either, Bitsy.

Amanda:  I didn’t realize I broke a commandment.  Thou shall not wear slacks to church.

Blake:  Ooh, yeah.  Traditional dies hard around here.

Amanda: You know, I consider myself a strong, very secure, independent woman, fierce even.  So why can a little bit of criticism from my mother still slam me so hard?

Blake:  Because she matters.  And deep down, you care.

Blake:  Hey.  Get back here.  Come on.  Girl, ain’t nobody drives a pair of pants like you do.

Amanda:  It’s harder for a woman to find the right pair of jeans than it is to find the right man.

Pastor Tudor:  Zach, [for the next week] you look after McKinney.  You’re in charge of the house, the cooking and the cleaning.

Zach:  Well, how do I know what to tell the maid to do?  I don’t even know her last name.

Carlene:  Ooh, denim.  That probably does work good for you.

Amanda:  Why are you here?  I mean, hi.

Carlene:  Ripp was insisting that we bury the hatchet and he’s always right.  So I thought I’d bring Chardonnay and a heartful of Love Thy Neighbor.

Amanda:  Why can no one remember that I don’t drink anymore?

Carlene:  Oh, Amanda, Amanda.  I never forget you’re an alcoholic.  Chardonnay’s my nail girl. . . . I am giving you the gift of a pedicure.  After I saw your feet Sunday, I wanted you to be able to wear open-toed shoes with confidence.

Sharon:  Oh, that’s from that big ole Swedish furniture store.  You know, for years I thought that was an airplane hangar.

Blake:  Oh man, setting up a photo shoot and booking all those models last-minute, that’s gonna be tough.

Amanda:  Why?  Dallas is full of models.

Blake:  Yeah, but this job, it’s butt specific.

Amanda:  I got this.  [Dialing her phone.]  Topaz, it’s Amanda.  What are you and the other B-girls doing tonight?  I need some ass.

NOTE:  The whole “dueling” (but wordless) confrontation between Carlene—snooping for financial info for her husband in Gigi’s house—and Gigi, catching her at it, is great.  Watch and smile.

Amanda:  Hey, Blake.  You know you’re one of my only friends here in Dallas, right?  So you don’t have to explain anything to me.  I don’t judge.

Gigi [to Burl]:  No, no.  No.  I’ve been through too much to cry.  My husband’s death.  Family trauma.  Democratic administrations.

Burl:  That’s why I’m asking you . . . .to keep the peace.  For me.

Gigi:  Well I must adore you.  Because the very Lord Himself would not ask this of me.

Carlene:  Now you are talking about breaking Number Eight.

Ripp:  It’s not stealing.  It’s borrowing.

[“Sometimes It Takes Balls to be a Woman” playing in background as Sharon puts together a shelving unit for Pastor Tudor.  Her victory dance is so cute.  Jennifer Aspen is a wonderful actress, getting across the gist of the scene with a look, a pose.  Priceless scene!]

[Photo shoot leaked to Christian website; flak ensues]

Amanda:  Seriously?  They think when we say [Westward] Ho, we mean . . .

Blake:  Hooker, harlot, trollop, wench, tart, floosy . . .

Cricket:   Whore.

Attorney:  This particular photo seems to be the flashpoint.

Cricket:  Well.  Anyone attending church last Sunday could certainly pin the tail on that donkey.

Amanda:  As God is my witness, I’ll never wear pants to church again.

Cricket:  What seems to have caused Booty-gate were posts from a Lord Lover 87 on some religious watchdog blogs known for targeting brands they deem not family friendly.  After that, it just took off.  Spreading like kudzu across the faith-based websites.

Blake [to Amanda, trying to locate person behind Lord Lover 87]:  You make me want to slap my mama.

Burl:  Oh, come on, roll with it, Gigi.  Two Bushes are always better than one.  [Re the costume party Gigi is to host and Bitsy coming as Barbara Bush and asking Gigi to come as Laura Bush.]

Gigi:  Who is that tacky enough to honk out there?

Carlene:  Yes.  I think part of my costume just arrived.  Gigi, be a love, help me feed it.  

Gigi:  Feed it?

Carlene [to Gigi]:  When it comes to theme parties, I go big or I go home.

[This whole watering and feeding the horse (Buttermilk to Carlene’s Dale Evans’ costume) is great and funny.]

Carlene:  I’m actually glad you’re giving the party.  I can tell how much it means to Uncle Burl.

Gigi:  Go back in, you old coot.

Burl:  I thought I’d warned you about tears.

Gigi:  Well, you’ll just have to forgive me.  Just the thought of you dying has put a little crimp in my day.

Bitsy:  I’ve just got such a migraine.

Burl: I better take her home.  They turn her into the wicked witch.

Gigi:  Could I offer an aspirin?  Or a broom?

[Carlene steading Amanda’s computer (between her legs no less, under her dress) and “walking” out of Gigi’s house is LOL funny!]

[Chenoweth is a great physical comedian.  Catching her son on the couch “entertaining” himself with Amanda’s Westward Ho “butt” photo is great.]

Blake:  Daddy Bo’s calling.

Amanda:  What does that mean?

Blake:  Trouble.

Cricket [to her dad on the phone]:  Well, if a son wouldn’t let this happen, I wish you could’ve had one.

Carlene:  God does not want me looking in on just anybody.  Least of all, Amanda Vaughn.

Ripp:  Oh, kitten.  I am your husband.

Carlene:  Yes.  [Stepping onto coffee table to be at eye level with hubby.] There’s one Man who’s orders come before yours.  And I’m gonna talk to Him right now.

Ripp: [wagging figure at wife]

Carlene:  [wagging her finger back at him.]  Excuse me.

Zach (to Sharon in her costume for tonight’s welcome home party for Burl, and Bitsy, over at Gigi’s):  Wow, you are so totally Anna Nicole Smith.

[BTW, Amanda makes a good Farrah Fawcett at the costume party--in her red one-piece bathing suit from the famous poster.]

Amanda [to Andrew for tracing Lord Lover 87 to an unlisted phone number]:  This is so much better than earrings [which he just gave to Heather]. 

[Amanda calls the unlisted number and it rings.  In Gigi’s house.  And Cricket answers.]

Carlene (praying to God in Gigi’s house at the party):  How can I honor my husband when what he wants me to do is wrong?

Carlene:  Bill’s funeral, was it open casket? How did he look?  Did he look like himself?

Amanda:  Yes.  Why, Carlene?

Carlene:  I’m just curious.  I’m always looking for ways to be more lifelike.

Gigi (to Bitsy):  Laura Bush was a librarian.

Gigi:  You know Burl’s not up to a trip like that.  Would you have him die away from home?

Bitsy:  No.  Away from you, my dear. . . . Obviously, you are number one on his bucket list.

Ripp:  Kitten, I would hate for you to think of me as a villain.

Carlene:  Oh, honey, I don’t.  We can’t forget that staying on the path is sometimes better than a short cut.

[Carlene just found out her Uncle Burl sold their joint property to Andrew—even though she wanted it for Condos for Christian Living.  With Heather getting a “nice little” commission.  And earrings.]

Heather:  I love your Dale Evans.  And the horse you rode in on.

Carlene:  And I love your Selena.  Someone shot her, right? [Walks off.]

Andrew:  She seems nice.

Amanda:  Who the heck are you?

Gigi:  My favorite Texan [the theme for her party].  Me!  [Laughing.] I love Laura Bush but her getup was depressing me.

Amanda:  What would you say if I told you that the whole time Cricket was rallying around my idea she was secretly behind all the protests at Westward Ho?  She wanted to keep me from working with Blake so bad she was willing to fall on her own corporate sword.  Even worse, disappoint her father.

Gigi:  Well, on the one hand, I’d say it’s psychotic.  [Smiling to Bitsy as she passes.]  On the other, I’d say it’s not the craziest thing a jealous woman ever did.

Amanda:  Mama, can you keep a secret?

Gigi:  [Eyebrows raised, moves in closer to Amanda]

Amanda:  Blake and Cricket don’t have a traditional marriage.  She wouldn’t be jealous of another woman.  Trust me.

Gigi:  Oh.  So they do have a white marriage.  I’d always wondered.

Amanda:  What’s a white marriage?

Gigi:  It’s when the husband and wife keep their boots on the opposite side of the bed.  If you know what I mean.

Amanda:  Well, if that’s Cricket and Blake’s arrangement, why does she care about me?

Gigi:  Because, their relationship is based on a deep friendship.  From Cricket’s point of view, you are threatening to her.  Trust me.  I know.

Amanda:  What’s going on with you and Bitsy?  I thought you two were playing nice.

Gigi:  Well, I tried.  Till she got the impression that I was moving in on Burl.  [Bitsy in background choking on BBQ rib.]  She’s taking him away from Dallas, you know.  Trying to get him away from my clutches.

Amanda:  I thought you said he wasn’t well enough to travel.  Mama, what are you gonna do?

Gigi:  I don’t know.  I’m in the same spot as you.  He’s not my husband.  [Bitsy still choking in the background.]  You know sometimes the best thing you can do is just say a prayer and step away.

Amanda:  Damn, that Bitsy Lourd is evil.

Gigi: There’s a special place for a woman like that.

[Bitsy falls over dead in Gigi’s dining room.]

Zach:  What happened to your Anna Nicole costume?

Sharon:  Well, that was your idea for my costume, but I had a different one.

Zach:  So now you’re some pink lady?

Sharon:  I’m not just some pink lady.  Mary Kay.

Zach:  The porn star?  She’s not from Texas.

Sharon:  Mary Kay Ash.  The founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics.  A strong and independent Texas woman.

Cricket:  Bitsy dear.  [pause]  Oh dear.

* * *

I’ll be getting more together soon.  Enjoy!